The Lord has a way of arranging things where I end up eating my words, oh and learning a lesson. This is really an important part of my life, you would think I would pay attention and beware what I let come out of my mouth. Nope, not got there yet.
After all my writings and purging about being anti-social and not needing new friends. I think I've ended up with three new ones. The thought hit me yesterday. Wow, I really aught to sit down and ponder the universe more often.
See Friday night after work, we had a thing.
The Man's coworker, who is in his carpool, his wife's birthday was this weekend so he threw her a party. We pretty much had to attend too. Cause their oldest is Duchess' bestest friend from daycare, who no longer attends daycare at the same place. So it was mentioned in the invite that they wanted Duchess to come over for an official playdate the next day, Saturday. But no times were discussed between the two men, why was I surprised? So we needed to firm it up, plus everyone from The Man's work world would be there........oh and we've bagged out of like three work events lately.
So we went.
I came home from work, changed clothes a million times like the neurotic idiot that I am, then finally decided that I would wear an all black outfit with my pearls and throw my hair up on my head, cause it's a confidence builder. See I suck at interacting with other people........I totally needed the boost. Now keep in mind I've come a long way, in the old days I would sit underneath The Man's left arm the entire night. Or I would discreetly follow him room to room and make his life miserable. I'm starting to come out of my shell I think.
So on the way, we stop off for some flowers for the birthday girl, cause what else to do you take? Nothing? No way, not a southern girl.......so it was a nice bouquet of lilies. Roses just aren't' appropriate. Then we head out, except they live in the boonies, further than me by like 20 miles and we could see their neighborhood when the main road was closed off due to flooding, the detour was another 15 miles out of the way. Holy heck, just shoot me now. The Man kept glancing over at me cause I'm sure the fumes rolling off my head just said, I'm so over this, I will make you pay........poor guy.
But we finally get there, with both kids asleep in the backseat, me starving cause I missed lunch and The Man resigned to a pissy evening dodging his angry wife. We finally find the house and park and as we walk up the co-worker is manning the grill. He's nice and welcoming and directs us on in their new house. (which I loved!!!! But I digress) Upon entering the front room, I stopped short, the house was farking packed. I don't know how I forgot that almost everyone from The Man's company lives in this neighborhood so since there was only three extra cars outfront, doesn't mean that the rest of these meatheads didn't walk. OMG, I started sweating.
I kissed my kids and didn't see much of them for the rest of the night. Just the occassional blur as they ran by, happy to have playmates. The Man immediately made his way through, calling everyone's name, slapping back and shaking hands. While me, I walked all the way in, put my purse down and turned to survey the room. When I was grabbed from behind in a big ole hug by C. Now C and I have been shopping together, hung out a little but I never call her, I just never think of it, but C and I immediately start in with the "You've lost weight bitch and you look great" routine, cause we both have. As we're catching up, I catch the eye of the hostess, who I have met twice, spoke to once and couldn't remember her name for nothing. So C saves the day and helps out, then promises to come back in a few, she had to go kick her man's arse in fooseball. Ummmm okay.
I chatted with the hostess and gave her th e flowers, then we each made plates and moved to the kids' table which was the only open seating. Now the division was there, the wives that were tight never spoke to anyone else. The venders and their wives kept to themselves and the coworkers did the same, it was the strangest division. But as I sit stuffing my face talking to S the hostess, she totally nailed me.
"I haven't seen you since November when we ran into each other at the grocery store"
Crap, called out..........
"Um yeah, I kinda hang to myself......"
At this point, K jumps in with her baby, who I've actually seen since Christmas as we had dinner at her house once, she is a doll.
K- "Yeah Hope4Grace is anti-social, she flat out told me to call and tell her when it was her turn to host dinner, cause she wouldn't call me"
OMG, am I really that bad?
S- "I've heard that about you, but it's okay. I hate people too........"
Ummm awkward.....
So we're all chatting and eating and the husbands join us with food and The Man totally set me up and sent me out in a boat all by myself.......
The Man- "You have to pin Hope4Grace down into a time and date or you'll never get anywhere, just call her at work and make sure it gets in her calendar. Otherwise she'll forget and find a way out. She rather be at home in her pjs reading a book."
Death was in the air. Just a whiff but it was there.
The two women looked at each other and nodded like this wasn't news to them (hey, they don't know me) and then pounced.
Both- "Well we like you so you're gonna get out of your house. Very soon"
OH SHIT...........
I then really tired to tell them that I was a horrible friend and it wasn't worth their time. They thought that was hysterical. OH not good.........
Needless to say, during the evening I was with C or K or S through out the evening. We chatted about everything that women do. We toured S's new house. Ohhhh over her paint colors and bathroom fixtures, I totally made mental notes.
Then as the evening was winding down it found us seating around the dining room table eating cake. There were three other women seated there too, just politely listening as C and I both have a nasty habit of quoting movie lines. So it was getting quite ridiculous!
Then I did it, I totally said the most inappropriate thing I could.
The conversation turned to how long we'd all been married and surprise surprise The Man and I were at the top of the list. After explaining to another wife that I really like my man and it wasn't an accident (how rude to ask) I went on to say that I was stoked about marrying young and having my babies early cause when Duchess graduates I'd still be young, only -------- (not going there).
When C, licking ice cream off her spoon, announced well I'm 38 and I'm still hot, so you'll totally still be all the rage.
The room went completely silent. Noone could believe that C was 38. Her man is quite younger and mouths were dropped all around the table. Except me, cause I already new this.
So I opened my mouth to say something as I saw the stream rising off her head, C is not going to sit back and just take this.
So quoting from a movie that I can't remember the title, but yet remember the exchange perfectly, as obsure as it is. Two women were commisserating at a bar, feeling sorry for themselves cause they had no men.
Me to C: I'd still F*** ya, your totally hot.
C (recognizing the quote instantly): OMG, I'd F*** you too, there's hope for us.......
The rest of the room was in utter shock. One woman got up and left the table, grabbed her hubs and left the party. S went behind her waving her off between gasping for air. She thought that was hysterical. C and I both went looking for our men, to be the first to let them know. and K, well she was still sitting at the table all shocked looking.
So I ran The Man down and told him, where he promplty laughed his head off, called me a bad example and hugged me before sending me back in the mix. C's husband was like you're never living this down, ever. But otherwise they know us, so they were not surprised.
So we all sat back down where S announced that it was the best party she'd ever had, even though people were bailing like rats from a drowning ship. When K finally piped up, "well it's nice that you guys are so hot, but what about me, who'd F*** me?"
Okay, should have realized then that I had made some new friends. Geez........I even sat around adding their cells to my phone. AND we set up the playdate for the next day and we all made tenative plans to meet at my house on Sunday to do some hair stuff. Cause K is a wizard at hair even though she's now an accountant. Brains, gotta love that.
It shouldn't have shocked me so but I had to call my girl in Okie last night. One of my longest friendships ever, to break the news. Sweetie, I have a new friend, no, take that back, I think I have three.
I can't tell you all the names she called me, then we caught up and gave advice and laughed while I cleaned toliets and it was all better again.
Anti-social might be moving off the grid. I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Irony is A B****
