Southern girl plowing her way through life making the rules up as she goes. Warning: likes to bake, curse, quote movies/literature, is tattooed, married to The Man and mother of two girls. We bring new meaning to the "griswald way of life". Come along for the ride!

Life is My Highway

Montana and North Dakota have become home.... dang it lol.

These Girls

Lord help me but these babies wear me out.... they are just perfect!


Yes, it's from last winter but I adore this us....


This kid glows from the inside out... my almost 11 year old!

We are so smexy!

Favorite sport: embarrassing our kids in public


My mini-me is finding her own way in life

Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Scot

Murphy, the scottie/schnauzer, went to the salon yesterday. Nails, haircut and bath. Except instead of his normal clippering of the curls, they gave him a big-boy haircut. The typical "scottie" cut. OMGosh, can I just say how sick it was here last night, everyone was fawning over that dog all night long. Adorable. Which makes us big ole punks.

My boy is 7 months old now and looking like quite the big boy. Too bad he's getting fixed on Friday. Poor guy.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Know thyself......

So on my facebook today I took the

"what kind of gun are you" quiz.......

Any quesses?

A sniper rifle........that figures! lol

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Signs of A Good Marriage

When your husband sends the following email out to his entire friends/family network:

Job at the FBI
The FBI had an opening for an asassin.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
Him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for a bout 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.' Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.' MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

***perhaps I shouldn't have hit "reply all" and commented that if he remembered this, he would live a long time, lol. Opps*****

Monday, January 26, 2009

Why Me?

Murphy the Wonder Dog is my little cuddle ball of joy. Whenever I'm having a rotten day, or my biology teacher is driving me nuts, or the kids have gotten the flat screen tv stuck on a channel that doesn't work, or The Man has torn the garage up looking for something and I can't park my car in it or I even think about going to work.......he cheers me up. He jumps in my lap and I just snuggle right up.

Except Murphy has some strange habits.

1. He refuses to poop for a female. So when The Man isn't here, it takes FOREVER. However, if The Man takes him out, sniff sniff poop. For me, could take hours!

2. He loves to slid across any floor I've just mopped. Then he'll smell like floor cleaner, so I have to bath him, in my tub. Then I spend an hour scrubbing the tub. Then he wants to go outside and roll in snow.

3. At bedtime, he is SUPPOSE to sleep at the foot of the queen sized bed that The Man and I have shared since Princess was 6 months old. My big ole queen bed that has four huge comfy pillows, a to-die-for spread that I got two years ago on this awesome expensive bedding site and it was on clearance for 90 bucks........and two years later, that sucker still looks brand new! Where was I? Oh yeah, so Murphy hits the bed and promptly goes to lay his head on whoever's pillow is not occupied. So then we end up shoving him down to the bottom of the bed, usually with The Man singing "Oh Murphy dog, your butt your butt is furry". Except as soon as the lights are out....he starts moving. Slinking up the bed to drop all 20 lbs of himself either between my knees or on my butt or whereever he can find enough room to stake his claim. The dog that weights 20 lbs and is lovable and sweet and little and cute......manages to toss and turn for at least an hour before he is comfy and starts to snore. And each time he changes spots, he drops his entire self down like he has walked 15 miles uphill in the snow and can't drag himself another step. He shakes the entire bed. And we rinse and repeat......all night long.

4. He can't stand it if you go to the bathroom and shut the door. He whines and sticks his paws under the door until you come out. He will howl if you're in there long enough.

5. When I'm soaking in the tub, he enjoys watching him lay there and read. Every once in a while, he tilts his head and blinks but not often. I think he goes into a trance. As often as I bathe I'm not sure this is good for him.

6. On the few days we put him in his portable "room", I can hear him crying as I pull around the block. My poor neighbors.

7. Since we've owned him, he's eatten alot of our things. Puppies, whatcha gonna do? He's ate a cookbook (italian! yum), half of a very expensive leather The Man boot, several pairs of heels, a pair of tennis shoes, alot of pet shop animals that he steals from Duchess' room, a set of headphones, the cord to a heater (thankfully not plugged in), a hair dryer (again, not plugged in) and this is depressing but there is actually more. However, lately he's curbed his chewing habit so you can imagine my surprise when he brought me my reading glasses the other day. The ear pieces, gone to stubble, a len missing, the other lens had cute little doggie teeth print in them. He brought it to me like "Hey look what I found!"..........damn dog

8. I adore him and can't stand myself but I actually baby talk this little dog.

I'm a goner and it doesn't help that this morning when the children wouldn't get up and start getting ready for school, that Murphy just couldn't take mommy yelling at them anymore.

He went into each of their rooms and barked the house down, pulling covers off them until Princess drug herself out of bed.

That's mommy's good boy.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

No Words......

No Words describe this evening. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

So after a medicated coma of a workday, I rush home cause today is The Man's birthday. Since he'd cooked his own dinner, I'm lucky that we have a date planned tomorrow night with dinner, movie and naked time (sorry mom). But I hit the door to the wiggly dog who missed me and needed loving, Duchess who was full of mystery person news, Princess who had school gossip and The Man looking like he needed some of my mind numbing cold pills. I was exhausted before I hit the door. Pity me. I am a big ole baby when I'm sick, and I'm slightly dramatic too. :)

So we rushed through dinner so Princess could make karate. Then Duchess and I made her "covered in princess and flower stickers, pictures, and doodles" poster for her mystery person day. The Man and I had a brief chance to catch up and then it was homework time for everyone. Duchess and I finished first, so we gamely cleaned the kitchen while The Man re-taught Princess division. Sucks.

In the midst of running around crazy, I noticed that Wiki was dead.

Or should I say Wiki 2 was dead. Floating. A floater. In the middle of the coffee table. Not cool.

The Man immediately corals children in their rooms and starts winterizing himself for a quick trip to the store, when I tried to be a realist, which sooooo doesn't come natural to me.

"They are old enough, death happens, let's deal with it"

Famous last words.

An hour and a half later, they have cried themselves to sleep, we've promised them EACH a new wiki to be here before they get home from school and The Man keeps reminding me that NOW was not the best time to be real.

No shit.

We had a memorial service, then buried him in the backyard.

What the heck was I thinking?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sickness Rolls On...and On...and On

So I'm still sick. Damn Utah doctors. So I'm more than likely going back to the doctor tomorrow as I can't shake this crud. Feel like pooh, sound like pooh, am acting like a pooh.

I'm a big ball of happiness and sunshine.

Surprised much?

In other news, I did not make an A average on my first week's grades in Biology II. Not acceptable. So from now on, I'm morphing into the Bio nerd. Sounds like a movie of the week. So besides hacking up a lung, I'm not kicking my own arse. Not pretty here this week at all.

While I'm having the crappiest week on earth, the kids are rocking. Grades are coming back online, reading times and our schedule is settling into a routine since they switched up karate times on us. Duchess is having "Mystery Person" this week. Which would have been cool if I'd had more that three days notice. Thank you mom! You're soooooooooooo the bestest mystery person ever! I'm getting you that award for Christmas next year.

The Man is starting his management class (one of three left before his degree, the stud) and I've listened to him gripe all night cause it's very involved and demanding. Poor guy, I have no sympathy for him what so ever, but he is cute when he pouts. The stud.

On that note, going to bed. Will wake up and evaluate whether I can stand sitting in cubicle all day or whether I should drag myself back to the doctor......all the drama.


Sunday, January 18, 2009


So while completing the rest of my weekly work for BioII, cause I'm a go-getter like that, I read one of the comments posted by another student.

"My goal is to pass this class this time, it's getting expensive"


I want to take her under my wing and sing silly songs while braiding her hair.

Especially since she posted her bio on the wrong week, in a discussion forum about the elimination of microorganisms in food.

Please send prayers to Ohio, she needs them.

Second Wind....

I woke up early this morning with a second wind.

My purpose at 700 am on a Sunday morning. Gut my house. Toss away bags of trash and stuff, you'd think I was a serious hoarder but I'm not! We just tend to stash things places in the hopes of finishing it later, or deciding where it goes. Disgusting.

So I've cleaned my closet, my basement is finished. The kids' rooms are clean. Baths and hair washing has begun. Vaccuming and cleaning under beds? Done. Scrubbing of tubs? Done. Purging of clothes way too small that I'll never wear again? Done. I remain hopeful but facing reality is a new year resolution of mine. So they go.

Kids are fed and watered.

Murphy smells, but The Man washes him so I rubbed him with a dryer sheet, somewhat better. I also burnt the hashbrowns this morning so it seemed like a good time to air out the house and light some candles.

Sigh.....productivity rocks.

But now I'm tired and sleepy.......

Saturday, January 17, 2009

House of Pain

Sick. Doc said upper resp infection, no meds needed. Farker! I hate him! Kids winning war, I give up.......

Bio teacher never gives feedback, just more questions, that sucks.

The Man told me I was hot, I love him. I look like 10 miles of bad road.

Happy weekend.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

What's in Your Basement?

For the next six weeks, my basement will be showing two feature films....

"As The World Rots":

My microbe experiment to test growth as determined by variables such as heat, salt and water. Sounds very smart and scientific huh? hee hee snort.

And my fav.........

"Purple Acid Rain":

Determining the effects of acid rain on the environment, i.e. a bunch of highly expensive plants that were found only at a hothouse this time of year because there is 10 feet of snow outside, dumbarses.

So stay tuned, I've officially turned my basement into a lab.

For those of you who remember my black thumb of death, stop laughing.....the point is to kill most of the plants anyway, duh.....I can soooooooo do that.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Things I DIdn't Want 2 Know

Bacteria outnumbers us, by trillions of millions. Not cool.

After reading my chapter for my Biology discussion tonight, I realized that I can't possibly eat after it since we'll be discussing things like diseases (yucky ones too), infections, raw sewage and more.......

Anybody hungry?

Monday, January 12, 2009

The LIttle Dog That Could

After an exhausting Monday, I came home to find Murphy happy as a clam in his new "room", bought to keep him contained lovingly without putting him in his crate. So far so good.....

So while chatting to my girl as usual, I took him for a walk to do his business.

Except four boys on skateboards were going by the house and waiting on the corner for a straggler.

Murphy went nuts.

So instead of choking him, I gave him some slack thinking he'd get a little closer and bark....

Except he jumped his leash.

Somehow getting off the leash and running hellbent to eat him some good little Utah boys.


I can only imagine how I looked running down the street after the dog, in my work clothes, long black work coat flapping, pearls shinning in my ears, screaming my lungs out.....

"Murphy, don't *&&^%&* eat them......NO NO NO NO Murphy NO NO NO NO...(*&%$#&"

Finally realizing in mere seconds that I was doing no good....I tried something else.....

"Boys, RUN, RUN, he's off the leash, he's small but he BITES"

They looked very unconcerned except the closer he got, the louder he barked and he just looked like a little devil on wings.

So they ran, and he chased.........and I chased......

Until I got smart......


He beat me to the backdoor.

I'm going to take a soak in the tub.......GAWD

Sunday, January 11, 2009

He's Coming to the Dark Side!

That hot sexy man that I have shared my life with for 12 years now is slowly but surely coming over to the dark side. Can I just say that there are fewer things in life as satisfactory than woo-ing someone over to your side of things.

Every Saturday morning (that I'm not a complete slacker and sleep till 1) we field day our house. In normal peep terms, we clean the holy crap out of it.

So after a leisure sleep in till 8, we got up and had a big breakfast. Then I sat down to make everyone's list. Then sit them out on the countertop next to the bell. Everytime the kids finish a chore, they ding and The Man or I go check it to make sure they are done. Then they check it off and move on.

So Duchess's list had some of these chores:
- clean your bedroom
- strip your sheets
- tidy your bathroom
- put shoes in everyone's closet

Princess, similar except she has recently graduated to cleaning the bathroom:
- both bathrooms
- strip your sheets
- tidy livingroom
- vacuum

The Man's list:
- wash dog
- rearrange basement in prep for inspection
- tidy garage

My intention was to clean the kitchen, sweep/mop everything, remake beds and then clean all the windows.

Instead after stepping outside and coming back in, the girls were hysterical with laughter and informed me that "Daddy made your list momma".


This from the same man, who regularly eats (yes you read that right), eats the list whenever I dare to leave him one when it's not field day.

So I carefully ventured over and checked my "list"

- Dry dog
- assist in rearranging the basement
- assist in tidying the garage
- clean out your nasty car

Like I said, I'm totally drawing him over to the very tasty!

And in retailation I added just another little chore to his list......

- Service the wife

And unlike his first impression, I'm planning on making him rearrange my bedroom. Every last piece of furniture and picture.......sigh

The whims of a wife

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


I've let some habits slip away from me and so for my new years resolution I have decided to pick some up:

1. Painting my finger nails. Once upon a time, I'd paint them to match a color I was planning to wear the next day. I keep them short and tidy but it's the details!

2. Fixing my hair. I think that is details enough. I vow to not pin it up every day of the week and then stick it under a ballcap on the weekends.

3. Shave my legs. Sorry Case, I know you just threw up a little in your mouth there.

4. Exercise, a long forgotten word, but hey twister with the kids totally counts.

5. Wear one NOT black outfit at least once a week.

6. Teach my children to flush the potty after they use it. This is super important lately.

7. Make my bed every morning before I get dressed. I'm putting my right foot forward.

8. Speak my mind: living in Utah has begun to turn me too conservative and I'm not talking politics cause I'm a repub all the way folks. Hey Brad!!! Miss our political talks!

9. Honey catches more flies!!!! My girlfriend here calls it my "southern charm", I call it sweet talking my way into getting MY way. Case in point, instead of calling and yelling at the city manager when they forgot to plow the 7 feet of snow off my street, I turned on the honey. But it's been awhile so I kinda went overboard, my kid was totally rolling her eyes after that call. But not only have they plowed my street everyday since, I got a very nice voicemail from said manager promising to continue. Honey baby, honey!

10. I vow to wear clothing that actually fits me. Since my health stuff and losing the extra weight I'd gained, I tend to wear my 2 sizes too big clothing. Mental note: stop that. Plus must remember that just because breasts are illegal in Utah, it's okay to have a slight, tiny bit of cleavage (too much is not proper for a good southern girl, ask my grandmother). The totally over-the-top modest is hottest crap is seeping in. Parish the thought!

11. Stop house hunting online in other states. Deal with fact that I'm stuck in Utah. Embrace it, but not too much, or even to a comfortable level, oh never mind. At least my momma is down the street, that makes it okay.

12. Call my grandmother once a week.

13. Print some of the 12000 pictures on my digital camera and put them in albums, I suck at this. I miss regular cameras and the days of film canisters laying all over. At least at some point, I'd gather them up and turn them in.

14. Shock my husband: I don't think I've shocked my husband in over 2 years. So I think I'll start by not wearing his clothes to bed, maybe even pull out a nightgown or flannel pjs. He thinks I'm hot when I wear my flannels! Classy I am! Also #3 wouldn't hurt either.....2 birds, 1 stone.

So since I have quite the list to work on........what did you resolve to do?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Early Mornings

Duchess has taken to waking up the past two mornings when The Man's alarm goes off at 445. This means that I've taken to waking up at 445. She gets in my bed and squirms and shifts and finally says "Can I get up now?"

It's killing me.

But as I sit here watching it snow again, temp hovering at 7 degrees, I remember how I wore a sweater year round in San Diego. This could explain why I have a tendency to layer up and look like the kid from the Christmas Story anytime I leave my 70 degree house. I'm not a cold weather person. At all. But cold weather we got, seems alot worse this year than the previous winter I spent here in Ooootah.

So yesterday we started a new schedule. 8-5 for me still, but karate schedules have changed so instead of picking up kids and being home by 545, Princess now starts karate at 545. Crap. This means that I'm stuck there for 45 minutes while she does thing. Which is cuter than hell, but come on, three days a week I'm not walking in my door till 645. The Man gets home at 710-ish and dinner was just starting. I finally hit the bed last night at 1010 and I tell you, I was dragging. Running nonstop.

Biology book arrived yesterday. Class starts on Saturday. Wondering where I'm gonna hit in time on Monday and Tuesdays now. Tonight I'm planning on dinner being easy. I'm throwing a roast in the crockpot this morning. Hopefully things will go faster.

So since weather is bad, can't make it home for lunch anymore to unkennel Murphy for a trip outside and lunch. The Man and I decided to leave him out yesterday for the entire day. In our house, with full privilidges. He met me at the door and was so happy so proud, no accidents at all. Unless you count the cookbook he pulled off the shelf and ate. Then there is the pair of 150 Rocky boots of The Man's that he had for dessert. Not good. Going to try and leave him in the master bath today. Hopefully that will be easier for him. Wonder if he gets overwhelmed with so much time and no supervision. Poor little guy. But it's only two days a week so he'll figure something out. Luckily his cuteness saved him and The Man gave in to his cute little pink tongue and blue eyes last night, instead of serving him up as BBQ.

Both girls started back school with a bang. We've got book reports coming up and homework out the yang but I do love a schedule. Last night we got everything done and I had time to read Biscuit with Duchess before bed. Her reading is really coming along smoothly. What run to watch. They are getting so big and so smart.

My roast is on, the house is clean, the laundry is mostly done and I'm off to get ready for work. Power to the peeps! Hope you have a fabulous day. Sleep in some for me.

Saturday, January 3, 2009


A reason to keep yellow rubber dish washing gloves in your house at all times.

Duchess doesn't flush........ever

And when asked to put the box of nail polishes away.....

She accidentially knocked them into the toliet.

With pee water!

Tongs just won't work here peeps.

I'm done. Going to play Ninendo DS till my eyes bleed.

Hindsight = 20/20

I love my house. But I'm a realist. So I have no problem admitting the things with it that I don't like. Therefore what better place to put and keep my list of things I want for my next house.


1. Proper ventilation in kitchen: our vent fan, vents toward the ceiling. So that breakfast sausage I made for everyone earlier, still lingers. Stinks! Stove must vent through ceiling out of house. WTF were they thinking?

2. Larger bathroom for children. Although the kids are only 10 & 6, they already fight over the tiny teeny little bathroom sink area. Shelving would be nice in there too, for bath toys and such.

3. Two family rooms. People, after having separate areas for kids/adult movies, you can't go back. I'm so sick of Camp Rock, you have no clue. I caught myself singing that crap in the shower!

4. Proper mudroom/garage entry way. Our garage enters straight into the dining room. What was I thinking? I need room for shoes, boots, coats and backpacks. A separate little mudroom would work.

5. Bigger kids bedrooms. Yes my room is large enough for an entire tribe in some countries but the girls, well they are seriously small. Wall to wall toys leaving little room for actual play. Learn lesson!

6. Bigger yard: Yes yards here in Utah are very small, we have a corner lot of at .16 that is big but Need more room for shed for hubs' crap. Room for a tramp and swingset. Need trees. Buying new in a new development, no trees. No shade, no NOT seeing all your neighbors. Trees peeps are highly underrated!

Now: things I do love, and will try like hell to find in another house.

1. Great room: vaulted ceilings, graceful lines. Great echos and very warm feeling.

2. My bathroom: a bathroom for a queen, in this case: me! Big ole jet tub, standing huge shower, although I would rather have the potty enclosed, the closet is rocking too. Nice big ole closet.

3. Double laundry room: Maybe cause it's Utah, you know where the actual family has 5 or more kids (I'm not kidding, go to a HOA or PTA meeting and see) but our house has a double laundry room. Full in basement, and stackable laundry in my closet. Sweet

4. 2 story garage: love that, although we haven't built the loft we need yet, soon peeps soon, there is room for a loft up there for out of season stuff. Hello.

5. Island: first kitchen with a full island, a cook's dream!

6. Wrought iron staircase: leading out of the great room downstairs to the lower level. Lovely, just striking really. Especially with Christmas garland draped all around.

So there are things to keep in mind for my next house!

Whereever that may be: