Southern girl plowing her way through life making the rules up as she goes. Warning: likes to bake, curse, quote movies/literature, is tattooed, married to The Man and mother of two girls. We bring new meaning to the "griswald way of life". Come along for the ride!

Life is My Highway

Montana and North Dakota have become home.... dang it lol.

These Girls

Lord help me but these babies wear me out.... they are just perfect!


Yes, it's from last winter but I adore this us....


This kid glows from the inside out... my almost 11 year old!

We are so smexy!

Favorite sport: embarrassing our kids in public


My mini-me is finding her own way in life

Saturday, October 30, 2010

My Halloween Costume...

Well I can't decide:

Choice 1: a box of cheerios and a butcher knife = cereal killer


Choice 2: the Utah mom: drugged out hollow eyes, perfect outfit, hair, makeup and minivan.....

Crap, too much work, I have  no idea where to get a minivan at this late hour.

Friday, October 29, 2010


So during one of our soul searching calls tonight, my BFF and I were discussing our fear of heights. And she threw out a comment someone told her about people with a fear of heights:

it's not a fear of's a fear of jumping

Holy crap. Really think about that for a second. Does that mean cause I'm scared of heights, that I'm literally standing on the mental edge? Worrying about jumping off........

Geeeeeeezzzzzzzz. Now I can't get that out of my head. Eeeeek.

In other news, we got a big blessing today. When we thought Dave's assignment that was ending today would be his last until the new year. But the Lord works through others to bring you opportunities. So he's heading to a new assignment, where if it works out he'll be doing his thing. I'm just thankful that he has the chance to do his thing.

This week in my ethics class we are discussing and doing essays/projects on the concept that we are not an island. Our lives are interdependent on the lives of others around us, therefore we should treat everyone around us as an end, not just a means to an end. Thought provoking, especially when you consider that it was because of one of our friends who put his name before this other assignment. What a huge amazing blessing. It's crazy because it really does prove the theory that we are not an island.

Wow, that crap is deep.

Gonna go eat a butterfinger and take a bath.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Since I'm On the Subject


I'm also.... ALMOST sorry that in high school I tackled you in the Jitney Jungle backing you into a display of canned veggies.

But I really did want to go to that dance.

However, in your shoes I would say no, too.

Still, how many good baptist southern girls can say that they had a cat fight in the local grocery store with their momma?

None, cause we b one of a kind...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Wow, lesson learned

 So in July of last year my kid went into surgery, removing her tonsils. It wasn't an unforeseen thing and it was done pretty quickly so we just did what we had to do. Yet another reason why God left me in Utah, my momma was onsite.... really gotta make a plan to get me and my parents in the same area again... but when my mom sent me some pics I dug these out. And damn near cried, more on that later.

My baby did great. She came out healthy and everything went smooth. She even felt well enough to play cards in the recovery room. Ummm please don't think that we be gamblers and such (come on, we b baptist yo), cause we just really like to play. Rummy, gin rummy, poker, push. We'll kick your ass. But not for money, cause we don't run like that...remember baptist.

But a few short months after this incident, my momma was in the same position. Standing over her daughter in a hospital bed. It really breaks my heart to realize that those fears and loss of control I felt when it was my baby in that bed, was magnified to my mom when I had to have my life changing surgery.

Here's to momma's.

The good ones. The ones who will kick your ass when you need it, regardless of your age. The momma's who will kick someone else's ass if they cross you. The momma that will drop everything and run, just because you sound like you might need her. The momma that will never let distance be of any importance in your relationship.

So momma, I'm your mini-me in so many ways but if I ever go to be half the woman you are...the world had better watch their back. Not only do I wanna be just like you, but I hope that my kids see me as I see you.

Your favorite daughter
(cause the other one doesn't count, snicker)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Long Week

I've had a really long week. It's kick my butt week apparently and everyone was notified except me. Rudeness I tell you, just plain rude.

I'll be back in a few days when I don't feel like running someone over with my car.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dangerous Combinations

School board and me.

Transportation directors and me.

Scissors and me.

Sigh........ what a long day already.

I'm bored to tears and every weekday is starting to bleed together.


Friday, October 22, 2010

I'm A Mess, really

So this blog has for so long been an outlet for me, today it's a very necessary outlet. I was so scared and my tummy is still a mess. But it ends okay, so don't worry.

Today was early release cause teachers need to get report cards together. My kids were getting off the bus two hours early. We were going to a movie then on to cheer.

They were 3 minutes late, no bus in sight when my phone rang. It was Princess. She said my name and then nothing, but I could hear men in the background. And sirens. Then a paramedic identified himself and told me:

My kids were in a bus accident and one's neck was hurting. I need to either come get them at location or give release for them to transport.


My kids are okay. One was at the front of the bus and is just fine. Duchess was a little scared and the policeman taking their info wasn't friendly or even nice, the prick but she was okay.

Princess was at the back of the bus when it was rear ended by another bus. Her bus was sitting still and the other bus rammed them from the back sending all the kids slingshot forward.

She has whiplash and a nice fat medical bill.

The school district has yet to call, even to notify me about the accident, nothing. I'm pissed beyond belief. The district is trying to keep everything low key and at 5 pm word with the neighbors was that they had just gotten around to calling to tell people why their kids were almost an hour late and that the kids were in an accident.

She's stoned right now with meds from the doc and I'm hoping tomorrow won't be too bad. The doc said the second day was always the worse.

Monday morning I have a date with the school board. You may want to pray for them.

Now I'm gonna go get my babies ready for bed and then I'm going to eat some pepto and tummy pills.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Oh I Suck

So I'm currently learning a very basic beginner piano song:

What do you do with a drunken sailor

That is the song name, not revisiting some of our military years, lol. But seriously everytime I look at the title of this song, really obscene things go through my mind.

I suck!

Back to drunken sailors I go.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Princess: Rare sighting!

This makes my heart sore.....

The Eternal Student

I heart school.

I really do enjoy going to school. I could become the perpetual college student. Today begins my new set of classes. I'm taking 3. I usually take 2 but since I'm carrying a great GPA I qualify for 3 at a time.

So I was giddy when I sat down today with my books. I mapped out all my duedates and deadlines on the family calendar. I went through each week of each class making up my study guides, pulling all the topics I'll have to write discussions on (the better to research ahead of time and write up notes) and posting all my autobib inform.

I'm a geek.

I'm an unapologetic geek too. I love school. It's really sad that I'm down to the last few classes before my degree too. Sigh.....

Now I have something to do late at night when I can't sleep. See I've found that my key to good grades is to work ahead. I always work ahead one week. This gives me leeway in case I'm sick, the kids get the pox or worse, a surgery or family emergency slips in there unannounced. So this week I'm doing two full weeks worth of school.

I love it.

I have issues.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Fall Colors

Once again, I likey what Mr. Lance and I come up with.... he speaks my language. Dave likes blonde, I like red.... and there you go

Monday, October 18, 2010

Bringing Sexy Back

After being married for 14 years, can I just say that I'm here to show you what sexy is.....

Murphy inspired, scottie dog jammies.

(not to be worn to Wal-Mart)

I'm bringing sexy back peeps. One set of flannel jammies at a time.....

Forget lace and see through crotchless panties, that b nasty and tasteless!

This is where it's at.

Seriously though, this is where my sweet hubby raises his eyebrows cause he's used to seeing me in mixmatch clothing out of his closet to sleep in.

Sigh, I remember when I used to have hot sleepwear...then kids started coming into my bed in the middle of the night.........Dave and I have doubled our evening wardrobe.

One day those babies are gonna go off to college and it's gonna be like dating all over again. Hmmmm, something to look forward to.

My doctor loves me

I'm a walking ball of medical issues. So I'm Vitamin D and B deficient thanks to my Gluten-Free lifestyle, hello massive amounts of pills (oh god not the shots, please not the shots). Tested negative for Lupas, woohoo.

Now I have yet more appointments to get my system straight, I tell you....who knew that blogging my hysterectomy (see archives for that fun reading, seriously it's fun, swear) would still continue a year later. Today is the one year mark, and recovery is still ongoing. Oh the major stuff is all good to go but you're body does take forever to get all the kinks out of the system....blood pressure, iron levels, etc. Drama.....good grief, it's a good thing I have such an awesome sense of cynical humor.

I'm still planning on giving the dr office the finger every time I drive by though, just on principal.

Hello new week

My goal this week is to be uber productive. I need to get that dang table I bought sanded and prepped for staining. I need to cook during the day and free up my afternoons for the kiddos. I need to finish organizing the closets for cooler weather. I need to dry clean the jackets. I need to ...... verbal vomit. Good grief. I have alot of crap to do.

Dave is a happy man after spending all of yesterday hunting up on the Kansas line. Best part about his crew being on this OK job, prime hunting locales for their one day off. So glad that he gets a break to have a fun day in the middle of bursting his tush for us.

Sweet italian sausage cooking on the stove, I'm making a big ole pan of zitti for dinner. Eggs boiling, gonna make some deviled and some potato salad for the week. I gotta get moving, tummy feeling like Bosnia for not.

Tomorrow is hair day with Mr. Lance, but I'm thinking of putting it off for a roots aren't bad at all. :) Although they are looking a little red considering the dull brown the rest of my head is. This is what I get for going conservative in order to make up for the bleach blonde barbie look of the summer, lol.

Off to sand a table. Pray for me. I have 9-1-1 on speed dial.


Who puts wheat into vanilla ice cream?


The bastards.

Spent all weekend sicker than a dog. Not to be gross, but I lost 3 lbs too. Shsssh.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Does It Count?

We're not trying to be heathens but between mine and Princess's tummy things going on this morning and a snotty sniffly Duchess... we're thinking of watching church via live online streaming. Instead of driving 42 miles one way.

Does it count?

Or do we suck?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Latest GF Creation: Blueberry Cobbler

Do you know someone Gluten-Free?

If you do, please be a big ole sweetie and earn some heaven them a box of Gluten-Free Bisquick Mix.

It's the shit.


I buy a case at a time. They run about $3.50 a box and each box is about 3 cups but man, the world of cooking really bloomed again for me when I started using this treasure.

I've made:
peanut butter cookies
blueberry crumble
garlic/cheesy biscuits
pizza crusts
apple crisp
apple pie
chicken and dumplins
pie crusts

If you're comfortable with baking, there is a million things that you can do to adjust just about any recipe to make it Gluten-Free. No more making my own flour mixtures for every recipe....don't get me wrong, I still have it on hand for those recipes that I can't adjust but man oh man... I can't tell you how long it's been since I've had breadsticks. BREADSTICKS.... gluten-free.......sigh.

So spread some love.

And send a love letter to Bisquick if you're a GF baker like me, cause it's a beautiful thing. Brings a tear to the eye of this extremely cynical person.... sniff.

I Bake

So when I'm having a day where I'm feeling a little lost: I bake. That soothes me and reminds me that I'm good at something (plus the upside is sugar tends to make me less grumpy these days). While I love being with my babies and putting them first constantly, sometimes I get a little lost in the shuffle....moving around my house like Lurch during the times when they are at school and Murphy is napping in the sunshine glow of the front windows.

I made an amazing Gluten-free apple crisp the other day. Then made it 3 more times cause it was so good!

Today I'm making a GF blueberry crumble.

Cross your fingers, not everything turns out well but I'm trying. Gotta try and fail a few times to really succeed.

Last night we got creative and made homemade chicken strips (fried, a treat for my house) and it was so dang good I promptly overate.

But I'm digging this new metabolism thing cause I'm seriously eating better but still maintaining my smaller size. Just this week, I weeded through all my work/church clothes and boxed up all the huge things for goodwill.

So since I'm having a blurry week, I'm baking up a storm. I have all the ingredients for carrot cake cupcakes for tomorrow as well. Ummmmmm, yummy. The best thing about baking from scratch is that I can reduce the amount of sugar and bad stuff in my desserts while still keeping the flavors. Plus I send them as desserts in my kids' lunches each school day, better than Little Debbies for sure!

I'll post pics however this blueberry thing turns out............but I'll eat it either way. I love me some blueberries.

Friday, October 15, 2010

I'm A Bad Person

I left the town pep rally midway. As in not even waiting till the band performed even though they have a show band that is really really good.

I'm a bad person.

So it began at 5. Free rides on the L-train, facepainting, cake walks, booths of games, bouncys, and was Homecoming on steriods. Seriously, everyone in this little Texas town is all about high school football. So my little girls were running around in red/blue with their pony's bouncing and face painted. Princess had a friend ride the bus home with her and then I played mean mom and made them study for a social studies test. Then I quizzed them before we headed out to the festivities. I met little friends' parents there and between the three of us we managed to keep tracks of 4 little kids in some seriously redneck crowds.

But at 7, the pep rally started. Held at the football fields, they had fireworks, drill team, cheerleaders (jr high and sr high), footballers, bands, and etc. It was alot of productions going on. I made it through the intros and the drill team.

Then it was either leave with my headache or shove that damn cowbell up the lady behind me's behind. She didn't give that damn thing a rest at all.

The high note is that since we left early, we had no trouble getting out and getting home. But I could tell when everyone else headed home cause my dark sweet street was lit with a parade of lights.....

Thursday, October 14, 2010


I'm kinda ordinary these days. That's kinda sad actually. I'm used to being so not normal. This stay at home mom thing is kinda weird. I'm not used to having to find something to do. Usually I have a million things on my list that have to be done that I carry my mental checklist around constantly. However, now things are so stinking caught up and ahead of schedule that I'm searching out things to do. Scrub baseboards? Um did them last week....still clean, dang. Laundry? caught up maybe I can wash bath rugs, oh yeah this past Monday...dang. So I've went through winter clothes, bagged up things for the goodwill drop off. Dug through old pictures and started sorting to make sure all get into photo albums. Organized office papers and created new home filing system. Started work on next school event I'm signed up for. Babied my roses (which surprisingly are still alive and green!)

So what do normal people do during the day?

I'm getting bored.

I literally live for the kids to get off the bus so I have people to talk too and fun.

I'm getting old.

I'll be the little old lady with pearls and overalls carrying her tomatoes around....Wheezer?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Good grief....

Homecoming is absolutely crazy. I truly thought that this madness wouldn't magically appear till high school. Pish, I totally forgot the small town football mentality. From Pre-K to the senior citizens, everyone is dressing for school/work/trips to walmart in this week's dress day for team support. I look quite out of place in my black (really got to get back to adding color to my wardrobe).

But this morning it became very clear that Princess went to bed with her wet hair in braids. Figured something was up when she went to bed in a hoodie. So we did some ratting and messed up the curls to get a fluffy look and added a few cornrows when I got this picture snapped. Dang this kid is getting old, and big, that's my hoodie that she is wearing, sigh.

But then we realized that we had exactly four minutes till the bus arrived. Throw in some clips and junk and fluff it up higher with tons of spray and boom. Crazy hair day. I almost can't wait to go to Walmart for dish soap. I'll try to discreetly take some pics, lol. Who am I kidding, I'm not discreet.

But this kid is seriously adorable. I just can't believe how lucky I got with these two girls.

Duchess showed her "i'm kinned to my momma" side this morning as she was so stinking nervous/excited/overly preparing for her UIL performance. Three teams in the second grade and today is the day they pick just one of the teams to represent the school. That kid was literally levating off the chair. Good grief. Reminds me when I was in literary rally oh I think it was my junior year....I freaked out cause I got a random question: name the four types of hammers. My answer was: seriously what kind of crappy unrelated question is that.....the judge's response: wrong. But I'm still crossing my fingers that the kid and her team did well. It was adorable.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Duchess takes a tumble

So Duchess finally agreed to do something physical. She is taking tumbling. And she is a HOOT. The kid is so not cool with exercise these days but man oh man it's so funny to watch her just not quit. She may have been red faced running those laps around the mats, but she ran hard. She may have moaned and grumbled aloud about doing the stretches that will make tumbling easier, but she did it.

The best part....when the instructor asked the kids if they were tired, everyone raised their hands including Duchess. He then send them on laps. He flat out told them in drill instructor voice that cheerleaders didn't get tired and that is what he was gonna make them, lol. So when they all got back, red faced and exhausted and he asked them again, is anyone tired.....nobody raised their hands except the little redhead next to Duchess, after a couple more laps....he asked again and Duchess looked over at this poor kid and very clearly and loudly said....

"If you raise your hand, I'll hit you"

She is totally Dave's kid.

Friday, October 8, 2010


Pretending like I know how to play the piano soothes me in the weirdest of ways. Seriously though, I'm ready to knot Duchess into a ball and toss her out the window (embarrassed the crap out of me in the grocery!) and yet pounding away at the piano makes me happy. Until I remember that I can't play. Working on my studying, gotta figure this thing out.

Now I'm gonna send her to her room where I am not tempted to yank her lips off her face and finish up the red beans and rice dinner I have going.

Then I'm taking a bath, with my ipod. An praying that I don't drop it in there with me and electrocute myself. I don't think anyone would ever let me live that one down.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Homecoming Door...almost done

So I put my best foot (the non-creative one) forward today. This morning, after realizing that I still can't sew worth a crap.....(yes, Mrs. Loftin would be oh so surprised, NOT....was this bad in home ec back in the old days too) so I made my very own solution to the jersey issue......poster board and ducttape. A girl's best friend.

The door itself is almost done. I have to redo the title to match the bottom and then hang the school mascot picture and add the check marks as well as the class pic of the kids......but I'm getting there. Will be done asap as everything is prepped just needs putting on the actual door.

And please just appreciate the effort of a new to this whole PTA/room mom's efforts, I know it's not great, lol....but man does my kid love it!

I need chocolate....

I'm trying to put together this stupid classroom door for Homecoming and it's killing me. I've sliced and diced a football and then Murphy grabbed it and we've been playing chase with the damn thing. What a mess. I grabbed it and now I'm listening to hear whine and cry cause it's out of his reach.

Mental note: the dog needs a football for Christmas.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I'm Grounded

So if I haven't called you, it's cause I'm grounded....Dave theatened to take away my phone. Apparently I'm using ALL of our plan minutes and was like 650 texts over my limit. So in answer.....I got creative. Since we be on the big conglomerate discount of his previous employer and we don't want to mess with our plan and pay more....I have taken extreme measures.

I upped myself to the super duper teen text plan.....hello 5k texts a month. Since they backdated this, it saved us about ohhhh $300....What I text alot. I live, I text. Period.

Then I actually added people to my friends/family list.

Then I got vonage for dirt cheap a month (less than one family meal out at Sonic) and the plus side is unlimited calls and surprise.........a local number. It's been a long time since I've had a local number for where I actually live. Cool.

The downside: I just plugged it into the wall earlier and sent out the notify everyone I know email when the damn thing rang and I about peed my pants. Thanks Mary, for actually following directions and calling me at home, YOU GO GIRL. However, close miss aside.....the children spotted the new phone on the table about 2 seconds after they walked in. Damn.......I can expect a million little girls to start calling us tomorrow......sigh. Oh well, it's what the dang thing is for.

So if you call me, call me at home....seriously or he'll run over my phone if I exceed my minutes again and then I'll die....cause I live....I text....therefore I live.

(and we wonder where the baby gets her dramatic flair from)

I'm SOOOO not creative

So I did my hair, skipped the makeup and dressed appropriately so I could be in the school today prepping for my Homecoming door. Fun times, especially since I got there and the class across the hall had a similar door setup....the bleeping bleepers! So I had to start from scratch. On to the next idea....I hit Walmart and got a football and some fabric and tomorrow hopefully this door will work out. I'll post a picture of my shame, I mean door cause I'm open and honest like that but trust me, we won't be winning shite around here. Oh mercy me.

Now I have to shift my focus to cleaning my house, keeping my roses alive and getting the laundry done. This is in addition to draggin my child to math tutorials (or MATH CLUB) as they call it. Even though we are good at math, she is not focusing in class and bombed two tests so guess what mean ole mom is doing.....dragging her to math club at 7 am every morning. Yeah!

Otherwise I am piddling along keeping the kids' schedules running smooth and throwing myself on the mercy on the primary school. Cry me a river.........

Monday, October 4, 2010


The roar of his disel has faded. I sat on the steps and after I lost sight of his truck, I could still hear it till about 3 blocks away. He's off to his next assignment, on his way for a day of driving. Travel mercies for my man today please.

We had such an amazing week. The kids are just thriving here and it's nice for him to see that part of our lives. I also love having him 24/7 when he is home. We get so much more time together. Although that does mean that I have one extremely filthy house to clean right now though, Mr. Distraction is very good at pulling my focus away from cleaning for fun stuff or little errands. He's a nice fit for my OCD side.

I did manage to pull out two A's on my finals this past week too. That was such a relief. And when it was all said and done....I heaved that damn financials book out in the yard where someone must have trashed it cause it's gone forever. I hated that class but the efforts was worth it, I made a high A in it. Perserve!

Now I have a ton of things to get done playing catch up on my little chores and the projects that I have lined up to keep me busy. Then Murphy and I have to keep the yard free of squirrels and do our flowerbed weeding.

Toss me a mental hug, cause as often as we part, it's still hard.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Toe The Line

So the other morning I began my volunteer efforts for my youngests' school. I was the coordinator for picture day. Imagine a school full of kids, 2 photographers and alot of lost teachers. Each kid had a little card with their name on it and depending on whether they were ordering pics too, a money envelope filled out. We had to put all "yearbook" kids up front (they weren't ordering) and it was madness.

I was the "toe my line" people, person. I had my half of the gym shipshape and rocking right through super fast. Checking their money envelopes against their super secret spy cards and keeping order.

I could never ever ever be a teacher.

Although one little cutie boy reminded me of something....

"Your really good at telling other people what to do"

Yes, sweetie, I sure am.