Southern girl plowing her way through life making the rules up as she goes. Warning: likes to bake, curse, quote movies/literature, is tattooed, married to The Man and mother of two girls. We bring new meaning to the "griswald way of life". Come along for the ride!

Life is My Highway

Montana and North Dakota have become home.... dang it lol.

These Girls

Lord help me but these babies wear me out.... they are just perfect!


Yes, it's from last winter but I adore this us....


This kid glows from the inside out... my almost 11 year old!

We are so smexy!

Favorite sport: embarrassing our kids in public


My mini-me is finding her own way in life

Monday, December 30, 2013

Flying fucking high

I can't believe that ANY body would take xanax on purpose. All my senses are supercharged.... the lights are too bright. My kids are too loud. My freaking shirt smells weird and it's driving me fucking crazy. I can literally taste nothing. Gross. How long does this freaking stuff last?

So it's not like I just took a xanax for shits and giggles. I had an MRI today. Now on TV, whenever I see those machines they look like big ole donuts and you could park a freaking small plane in one. However, at our tiny little country hospital, that is most definitely not the fucking case. It's tiny and it's OUTSIDE in a trailer off the back of the hospital. With heaters running.

See my shoulder has gone to shit, over the past ten years my right shoulder has slowly been failing me. Last six months though have been getting much worse. Got myself a shot in it two weeks ago, nothing. So it's time to see the shoulder special doc four hours away. But he's gonna need x-rays, and MRI scans. And since I've already met my deductible this year, my local PA bent over backwards to make sure that I was able to get my tests before the role date of Jan 1.

Anywho.... they "forgot" to ask if I had a problem with small spaces. Good lord, so after seeing the tuna can they wanted to shove me into, I had a small meltdown (small, that's so fucking cute, yeah small) and my poor tech had to make a happy shot happen. Once that kicked in and I started drooling, she's all like "who's your ride?" bahahahahahaha ummmm myself. My kids are home not doing their chores and my husband works an hour away. So I'm sorta drunken texting a friend who turns out to be out of state..... luckily Dave could read my sorta weird text and said he'd come get me. Too fucking cold to walk, it's like 4 outside. Crazy.

Now I'm so damn proud of myself. Besides trying to bit the tech when she went to strap me down (I apologized)... I just held still, really still so I didn't prolong the experience. She was sweet enough to put a washrag over my eyes and in I went. I was calmer and able to regulate my breathing by praying. Not gonna lie, that helped HUGELY.

But I did it. And then I wandered around, okay staggered around the hospital in my pjs (I went comfy). Cause Dave was still 30 minutes away and the hospital had NO ATM and they only took cash everywhere. So I had $1.25 in cash. I managed to drag myself to the hospital cafeteria where although closed they had some snacks laid out. The sweet lady took my $1.25 and gave me a coke and some jello. Bless her.

Dave found me asleep in my jello. I love that man. I interrupted his Monday and yet, he's still smiling at me. Off to count the beats of light off the ceiling fan.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

The afterglow

I'm sitting here enjoying my first glass of Christmas wine. It's been a really really good day. We got an early start considering my kids are older. Dave was up and just planning to put my prezzy together when Duchess sounded the rally cry.

We went quality over quantity this year. Princess got some awesome Bose headphones (mainly because Dave refuses to support rappers by buying their headphones), her own Chi so she'll quit using mine, hair and nail stuff, itunes gift card, cash, phone case, OU stuff and etc. Duchess got Pet Shops, cash, app store gift card, cross bow nerf gun, new boots and jewelry maker stuff. They racked up.

Murphy was all about digging about in everyone's junk to smell.

I got some black pearl earrings (effffing freaking gorgeous) and a nifty jewelry box that is hidden inside a standing mirror for my room. I love it. My old jewelry box was falling apart from years of use and moves.

My sweet husband got a huge surprise and he got an ipad. It's gonna make his life so much easier work wise. Rather than dragging around his laptop everywhere just in case, he will have it all in hand. He has spent all evening playing on that thing. :) love that I got him something that he needs and loves.

We managed to do a small service project today which is important to remind us for the reason of the season.

Then we had a small turkey breast, southern style cornbread dressing and sweet potatoes.

Watching movies and enjoying our family time.

Tomorrow we de-tree and get back to normal post holiday life as kids enjoy their break and the husband goes back to work.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Torture the teen....

Princess will be 15 Christmas day. I'm so excited about this birthday. I can't believe my baby is going to be 15. We got her something special.  We also had it on hand so we decided to have some fun with it. Everybody wants in.... I'm having a freaking blast. We got her friends from all over. Her former youth pastor.  Peeps she's babysat. Oh the fun

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Lord Help Me, I hate Needles....

I spent my evening in the ER... cause I'ma Griswald decedent, I swear. It started as a stomach bug that was going around. Some damn outbreak monkey shared that shit with me. Then it was the cappuccino from the gas station that Dave brought me cause he's a stud! He had to go check on his office in another state (keep your panties on it's only two hours away) so I was gonna ride along so we could hang out and then do some Christmas shopping, cause I'm slick like that. Except, I was dragging butt so when he went to drop kids off for school, he brought me that sweet coffee. And it poisoned me. Like seriously. I swoll up like a toady frog. Shit I'm still swollen. Then I puked. Several times. Then had my sweatheart stop and buy me pjs and a Phil Happy Happy Happy pillow so I could schlep my way home comfortable. I was dying. I made it till that evening and it was Urgent Care for me. I hate puking.... goes back to high school.

Those sweet nurses were conspiciously absent and Satan's own spawn was manning the Urgent Care. They were apparently looking to close early and she comes out and pulls the "you look so bad and you're gonna need an IV I can just tell, so go to the ER" shit and then turned the lights down. She's lucky I was sick as shit cause I was also "burn that fucker to the ground" pissed. And Dave, being my Dave, is all focused on me not falling on my fall down the long walk from the clinic to the ER because some stubborn ass refused a wheelchair ride.

I have to remind you I'm sure, that I hate needles. I'd rather have hemorrhoids and gout and athletes foot and dysentery before I deal with a needle. Are you ready for the humor? I get pukey when I see needles or blood. The irony is not lost on me. So I'm laying there gagging into the little bowl on my very on stretcher in the quiet little Montana ER.

Now sidenote.... I've been in several ER's. You know me. I'm not a stranger to drama. San Diego Military ER.... like something off TV. Bay after bay of curtained off cubies full of sick, dying, shot (shit you not, shot ass people up in there) and more. It's like the best entertainment on earth. Unless you're sick and all you want is medicine or fucking sleep. The lights and cold air in that place in insane. Even more fun, you get to lay in your damn cubie and watch the staff play on the computer, take calls, even fucking EAT in between patients. Tulsa ER was older, more serene (they must have locked the screamers away that night) and a little dingy frankly. Kingsville Texas was a freaking mess..... West Monroe LA? Fuckers. I never made it past the waiting room so I wouldn't know. Interesting story there.... another contamination... this time at a Sonic. Sharp stabbing pains in my stomach and I was literally screaming and the nurse was all in my face like, there's nothing important on that side of your stomach. Pray for Dave, that was at a Catholic hospital too and when he was done screaming at that nurse in Navy Male speak, I'm pretty sure the police were on the way. He was carrying me out of the ER when I puked violently the contents of my stomach all over their main door entrance and then blacked out. Clean that shit up bitches.

Sorry, distracted. Needless to say, I know my way around an ER. This place is insane. It's all shiney and new. The damn lights DIM. Like sleep happy and snuggly DIM. There weren't curtains, there were ROOMS. With doors and shit. Hold the phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then there was the needle. Made it through that without the nurse laying on top of me. Thanks Dave. The freaking fluids they started was warm! Hello technology. Except the nausea meds they gave me? Yeah , I had a reaction to it. Wait for it, I puked and had anxiety shakes. I looked like a tweaker the nurse said. She's got jokes. Cute.

So for more than three hours, I laid there hooked up to more and more meds. Finally we got it under control and I was able to come home.

High point of my night.... they charged me for my fucking socks.

Mental note: carry extra pair of socks in purse.

On the mend. Slowly.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Cue the sad song.....

Well we survived vacation. We then survived all the school work the kids needed to catch up on. We survived the blizzard. We then managed to get back into the daily groove. Dave is snowed under at work so poor guy is busy as hell. We promptly got home and picked out a tree for our house. Except our sweet little rental house here has a tiny little livingroom. And I keep it stuffed with shit already.... let see. Two leather recliners, a loveseat, a huge ass tv armoire, a sweet little red cabinet for games and books, and two side tables oh and don't forget the tall narrow cabinet that is snuggly in the corner. So how in the world was I gonna fit in a big ass fresh tree.... well we arranged like crazy women and we made room to put it firmly in the front picture window. Then we decorated with lights and flowers. Oh I so dearly love seeing the sweet girls get so excited decorating and having a good time together. So we made it work. Except all that fun furniture moving, well I busted my shoulder up. Again. So I got smart and went ahead and seen the doc. So there's so long term damage (hello softball) on my shoulder anchor. Fun stuff. But for now, a big ass shot of good shit straight into my join. Always a fun time. Except gag me with a freaking fork cause they shoved that shit deep into my damn shoulder.... omg. That sweet nurse had to pretty much lay ontop of me to keep me still while the doc shoved that thing home. Good grief. Gaaaaag. Why in the world am I falling apart? Okay so no lifting weights, so I'll get back to treadmill only. Gonna have wimpy weiner flabby arms. Fun! I have to admit that this freaking Christmas is my favorite so far. My kids are amazeballs. Their list this year is very small. Somehow over the years, they have picked up the idea that life isn't about stuff. Not entirely sure how that happened but I'm a blessed mom. These babies are amazing. They are excited about sharing time together and doing something as a family. Good grief. So we're anticipating a laid back, fun Christmas focusing on the real meaning this year.... good stuff.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

A week done gone....

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Mother Don't Read This....

Holy crap.... I adore my husband. He's literally the best. (get your own, took 17 years to get him this perfect).... So he rolls in late tonight, exhausted from driving all over two states to make sure all his guys have their reviews before bonus time. So he's covered in snow and all cute tracking that shit all over my carpet. I give him a heaping bowl of homemade chicken and dumplings (seriously, cause that's my job peeps.... I do laundry, I run my store, I cook from scratch and I watch alot of tv) with a big ole sweet tea. I'm just that good. Except while sitting in his lap sniffing his neck (don't judge, it's my time) and he's so damn sweet.... and I'm all like... we should go lock ourselves in the bathroom. Poor bastard is looking at the bowl of hot food and at me and then back to the food and he's like "ummmm" and I feel bad. Poor starving guy and then I'm all embarrassed. I told him "the fatter I get the more I like sexy time".... lol.... he immediately responds with "lets get you some dessert, wait.... two desserts" ... I love that man. Excuse me while I go stuff my face. lol.....

Monday, December 9, 2013

Trip part deux

Lord but we survived a full two week vacay! Now we're home to subartic temps.  More soon. Hugs.