Cleanse

So I decided to jump start my spring and do a cleanse. Dave and I are both looking to drop some weight and frankly I'm scared to freaking death to even try to shove my fat ass into my swimsuit at this point. Shit just got real.

It's day three of my cleanse. Our cleanse. Firstly, can I just note that our approach to this cleanse really highlights our personality. Dave approaches the cleanse casually. He may be a couple hours late on his supplement or forget to drink his fiber drink in the morning so he bangs it before bed. I have my little booklet and check everything off. Every bottle of water I drink, check! Every snack, I note what I ate, check. I take my drink exactly when I'm suppose to. I literally carry around my checklist.

Now let's really dig into this cleanse:

I spent an hour and a half walking around the grocery store looking for food options. SON OF A BITCH every single thing I love to eat is off limits. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

This cleanse is a 3 week thing where you eat clean and take these supplements and fiber drinks at certain points. The key is eat clean and work some exercise in. Dave and I have managed to take a really long walk each night but I still gotta get some other exercise in there. Tomorrow will begin back with my yoga and attempting the C25k again. Bastard program from HELL.

So yeah, we have specific portion sizes. We are essentially retraining ourselves to eat the right portions and learn moderation. Laugh or scoff if you will. Life is a journey. Eat me.

For example: each meal for me contains 4 oz portion of protein, 1/3 cup complex carb, and 1 cup veggies or 2 cups salad. For the 10 day cleanse portion of this I am nixing fried, bread, and all the other bs that we should pepper our diet with but we tend to base our meal choices on. I'm eatting fruit for every snack. So I am essentially eatting 5 times a day.

So let's get real. The first day, I was fucking starving and fell upon my food like it was withheld from me for a week. As it became time for a snack or a meal, I got really grouchy too. It's really a training thing. I'm so used to overeatting. We all are! Portion control is necessary peeps. However, my big ass tummy was seriously communicating to me.... my fav: "Bitch, I'm starving.........feed me damnit! Now before I eat this spleen. Yes, Ima eat the spleen!"

However on day three and I can say, I'm better. Not starving. However, at 2am this morning I seriously spent longer in the bathroom than any one person should have. Hello cleanse. You bastard. Mental note: buy more matches.

To keep shit real: Dave is also having issues with the portion control. For example, for lunch yesterday I prepared tuna with low sugar, low fat best foods mayo and some pickles and onions (no relish, too high in sugar content). We had a complete plate of sliced carrots, raddishes, and brocolli crowns washed and raw with some salad dressing dip. This salad dressing is from my local store, it is seriously ZERO CALORIE salad dressing. It's not bad. I had the 1000 Island flavor. Yum. Then we had some pears too. So we weighed our paper plate then added the tuna to measure our serving. Dave got 6 oz and I got 4 oz.

Because I'm an amazing mom, my kids had yummy cheesy ham sandwiches, fruit and coleslaw. We all sat down to eat lunch together and this was Dave's grace: "Lord thank you so much for this plate of raw veggies and my 6 oz of tuna" ..... sigh.

Dinner last night was grilled chicken, I made a mix of zucchini, onions, and mushrooms and did a quick saute on them with a tiny dab of olive oil then we also had 1/3 cup pinto beans. Snacks were bananas and a scoop of peanut butter.

So another key part is the water. Duh. I'm suppose to drink half my body weight in ounces of water. Jesus I hate water. So yeah I cheated. I bought a bunch of those water additives, no calorie, no sugar but they make my bottled water taste like grape, or peach bilinni..... am I the only person who has to make their water taste like a boozy drink before they can chug it?

Okay, excuse me.... bathroom time.

Go cleanse. Go.

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Why I dont sleep well.....

They have taken over my king sized bed. Dayumit

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No Words -----

We had a huge blizzard here last Sunday and early Monday morning. It was nasty and we even stayed home from church Sunday to avoid being out in it. Happy April Bitches! Montana at its finest. Monday morning, I woke to a call from the school... only the town kids were expected at school so I roused my babies and worked to get them ready. Dave waited until the sun was up before heading into work, to give the plows time to clear the highway. He has a 51 miles commute one way. Yeah, can you say oil boom area?

I spent ten years as a military wife. I made it through four deployments and three of those were war time. Only a military wife can really understand the feeling that comes when the phone rings a certain way and a chill goes up your spine and your heart speeds up. For no reason, there is no special ring, it's not a crazy time of the night......... you just know. There really are no words to describe that feeling. You get light headed and need to puke.

At 7:32 while gathering my kids to drive them to school, my phone rang. He'd been gone 31 minutes. It was him and I heard nothing, then the call dropped. I tried to call him back, nothing. It rang another three times and dropped before I could finally hear him: "police truck mile 18" that is it. Then the call dropped.  I smiled at the girls and loaded them into the truck, dropped them at school like nothing was wrong and instantly headed for mile marker 18. It took me almost 40 minutes to make 18 miles in the ice and snow but I finally got there in 4x4.

I literally couldn't breathe as it all came into view. The ambulance, the cop cars, the firetrucks, the barriers set up to block traffic and there in the middle of a snowbank sitting on it's side with two wheels in the air, my husbands truck. There was debris everywhere and people everywhere. I couldn't tell you how I stopped the truck and started running (in houseshoes no less) through the snowbank toward the truck and the people when Dave peeled off from the pack running my way. He grabbed me and kept saying, I'm okay, Don't cry. I"m okay, Don't cry. Still couldn't breathe.

He literally had no scratch on him. Not one.

He was driving about 40 mph in a 70 mph slowly working his way into work. Coming in the other direction was a snowplow and the driver saw Dave's truck hit some ice and spin then flip. There is no phone signal on that stretch of highway so he used his CB to call in help. GOD IS GOOD people.

He said it happened fast and that he just prayed loudly. When it came to rest, he was hanging by his seatbelt. The airbags did not deploy. His doors were crunched shut, the windows frozen but the windshield had cracked so he used his steel toed boots to kick his way out of the cab. By the time he got out, the plow driver got to him.

Dave has not one scratch anywhere. He said that when the truck flipped it literally went gently and he didn't hit his head or anything. Said it felt like God's hand just cushioned the blow.

It's taken a few days before I could type this without a panic attack, sorry I didn't share earlier. I am not dealing with this well. I literally couldn't be out his sight all Monday. I just can't imagine my life without and I'm so very very thankful that God was by his side.

They totalled his truck, it's bad. But you know what, we are so blessed by far that who cares. We will get him another truck. We decided to take our time and get the right truck again, just in case....

Wear your seatbelt and have faith!

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Biased MF-er

I'm pretty sure that at some point this semester I've bitched on here about my two professors this time around. 1. I've had his class before, he was my ethics professor for several classes and I have him again for my collective bargaining class and 2. She's a freaking liberal garden implement of a teacher who is teaching my implementing strategy class.

The first day we obviously intro ourselves. 1.'s response to me: (sigh) Of course, (insert my name)... welcome back. Well that doesn't sound too welcoming lol. So we go round and round me and him. Once he wrote on a paper: great paper, you've manage to spend seven pages rebuking everything I said in lecture on this subject.... interesting effort. I get the feeling he hates me, lol.

#2's nickname was the pickle (cause it's rude to call someone the c-word in front of your kids, so we codename around here). She drives me INSANE. Yes, it's a masters level class but seriously her habit of adding last minute BIGASS assignments piss me off. Some of us students have a life, well not me but somebody else might. Anyway, she had a huge turnaround two weeks ago when she fell in love with a powerpoint I did. Ummm it was nothing special, really. Swear. Unlike Dave, I don't put animated gifs in mine (his ass got an A for that by the way). So she's been super supportive and my grades are rocking in that class.

But tonight I was scrolling through my most recent test from #1 and one of the questions was: "after the discussion and legal analysis of arbitration cases this week, do you feel you would be a good arbitrator" the professor wrote in "I do not believe you would make a good arbitrator. You are very opinionated and seem way more suited for a negotiator position. Nothing personal" Ummmm.... thank you. Seriously, who wants to be someone that can be neutral on ANY subject? Not moi....

I'll take that compliment #2.

Who does #2 work for?

BAHAHAHA, everything is better with an Austin Powers quote huh?

Off to be annoying to professors alike.

Seriously though, what am I gonna do when I graduate in a few weeks? I'm gonna miss school dude. But seriously I don't see a PHD in my future. Good grief.

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zumba is the devil

The kids were off school today. The teachers have training. You would think that I would plan some awesome little activity for myself and the kids huh? Nope. We slept in. The teen is struggling with her grades cause she's suffering from a serious case of HIMA so she's grounded until those grades come up (sidenote: I'm making her suffer by buying her new shoes and stuff, showing them to her and then sitting them on my dresser, until the grades come up). So we are cleaning. And I'm sore.

Fucking zumba. Oh yeah, come on it'll be fun to sign up for zumba and we'll get thin again. Yes!

Oh wait, I'm old as hell and I crawled out of zumba exhausted and sore.

And I'm a big ole whiny bitch.

Gotta go take my happy pill

Tomorrow will be happy day.

By god, tomorrow will be a happy day.

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Upkeep

I went for a little upkeep today. It was girlie shit day. It has come to my attention that my hair is damn near completely white. Yes, I'm 35 years old and my hair is white. Not grey. White. My roots are almost completely white. Can I say that again. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. So as much as Dave loves the dark dark hair, it's time to go back light. Cause frankly the roots blende easier with light hair and I won't feel so bad about the aging of my roots. Damn roots. I have more grey, wait... white, hair than my MOMMA. Not fair. :( But while I was there I got my hair trimmed and got my eyebrowns did, huh they no longer look like caterpillars crawling across my forehead.

Then I shaved my legs when I got home.

Then I brushed my teeth with baking soda. Holy crap. The difference was amazing. I know it's strong on your enamel but once a week or so you should do this apparently. White shiney teeth has me. I likey. 2 minutes you brush and it takes like ass but there you go. Purty teeth.

So now I guess since my school work is done and everyone is asleep and I've cleaned up dinner mess in the kitchen (basalmic roast with rice night) that I will paint my toes. Or maybe go clean up the man cave some, his clothes are everywhere. Or work up a quiz to help Princess study for an elements chart test in science. Or I could scrub the bathroom which is kinda dusty and gross. Don't judge, assholes judge. Don't be an asshole. If it wasn't midnight I'd go get my mail, I haven't checked the damn mail in weeks. Urgh.... I'm behind.

Or maybe I'll read a book.

I think I'll read a book.

In the bathtub.

With a coke and a smile.

Good night.

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Bow down bitches

It was a busy day in the kitchen. Yesterday was beautiful...it was in the late 50's and baby we were bike riding, we were walking the dog to the park, and we were chilling in short sleeves. Then I woke up to a damn white out of snow. By noon it was 7 inches down, bastard.... Then to make it more fun, I missed my nap because I was doing laundry. (Sidebar: my laundry room is in the basement and is dark and warm.... so my gasket on the front loader is starting to get moldy. So a thick paste made from perioxide and baking soda can be smeared on there and let to dry. Then damp warm rag you can wipe it straight off.)

Then I was feeding kids snacks and folding laundry when my man comes storming downstairs. He left work early so he could make the roads in this nastiness outside and the upstairs was empty so he panicks, lol. But then Princess came home with bad grades and ruined my mood.

When I'm pissed or frustrated or sad, I cook.

We had slow roasted chicken, bacon wrapped asparagus, ranch potatoes (the secret is red onions and diced up summer sausage), homemade mac and cheese, and a big ole green salad. Oh and I made a pineapple upside down cake for dessert. From scratch.... as in flour and shit.

Recognize people.

Recognize these skills.

Excuse me while I go try to not beat a kids ass.....

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Fart Fan

Because yesterday wasn't enough. lol. So since we were all in a bad way this trip, we have come to the conclusion that we are going to be a little pickier about selecting hotel rooms. We have a good method so far.... we've come a long way since the days of cheaper is best. We have graduated to nicer rooms and places. When we travel with the kids, it's all about the pool. Since we seem to be destined to live in the northern cold weather we always look for indoor pool and/or water parks. This is huge. Whenever you just want to sit back and chill, you do it poolside while they play. If we are traveling with Murphy, we simply go with our fav since it usually considers both. However this past trip has changed all of it....

We drove the first day until 330 in the morning. Because my husband is stubborn and was determined to push through. I love him. He's amazing. He's seriously the most patient man on earth too. At this point, I'm going to point out that he could have flown home for the funeral, but instead packed up the entire house to take us all with him. Knowing that we would drive him insane. With the dog too. That man. Melts me. But I digress....

So he picks a great place. We lucked out. At 330 in the morning, we got the last room at that hotel. We opened the door to HEAVEN. A huge room with two queen beds and a huge bathroom then a seperate bedroom with a big ass king bed for the parents. Murphy immediately ran and jumped into the king bed and fell asleep, cause he's the bomb like that. The children each stretched out fully clothed on the bed and then the husband comes struggling through the door dragging all the bags.

He drops everything and while nobody was looking, he got into the bathroom first. SON OF A (*&^^%^8()(8. Urgh. I hate that. And of course, I forgot to pack some damn air freshner. So he finally vacates and the children about pass out. The canary had died people.

So we finally got some sleep and at 9am we finally got back on the road. Except at some point, it came back to the subject of that bathroom odor. And the obvious absence of a fart fan. (Dave pointed this out)

People.... come to think about it, there are few things in life you take for granted like a fart fan. Why in the world would you have a nice hotel with some many amenities but no freaking fart fan. Seriously?

The kids then voted and decided that Dave is no longer allowed to get us a hotel room that doesn't have a fart fan. So apparently he is suppose to ask this at the very beginning...you know when you're checking in ... yeah.

So Dave, being my man.... starts running down this imaginary conversation with a desk clerk about a room:

So you have a room?

Does it have a fart fan?

A fart fan....?

You know, in the bathroom...?

No?

Then do you have a bathroom in the lobby here that I can violate?

Dear Lord, these people.... I have to seriously wonder if any of you have discussions like this in your family? Please tell me I'm not alone here. Please. PUHLEASE.

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Gun In My Purse

There are times when I resemble a normal sane woman. I run errands all day today. I sweet talk with the old guy at the DMV to get my license renewed without taking a new written test. I grab a few groceries to hold me over until I can hit up Wally Mart. I stop in at the post office to grab my mail, then stand in line behind the neighborhood gossip waiting on my package. I enjoy my turn to visit with the sweet postal man who calls me by the wrong name (just barely off, lol but hey whatever, he's a dollface). I wave at my neighbor who likes to stand in his front yard and watch me take the trash out in my pjs. It's all kinda fun and I'm such a good happy housewife. (shut up, I am)

I spent my day doing laundry. I got bedding done. I vaccumed. I even washed some damn windows. Then when it was all said and done, Dave walked in. I had chicken breast (lemon pepper) in the oven broiling. Steamed broccoli on the stovetop and rice ready. I was multi-tasking as well. I had Duchess on my bed stretched out and working on vocab and on the white board in my kitchen I had Princess working on alegbra. The Murphy dog was hiding under my bed fresh from a bath and the tub looked like I shaved a monkey in it. But it was a good day....

Then my husband calls me into the livingroom to show me a commerical. He backs up the cable to let me see. This car salesguy from cars.com and the couple were blabbing about how drama free the process blah blah blah. The whole point of that was Dave's like that was funny. I'm like dude, that was not funny. I'm not the wife to prank like that. I'm a crazy. Like seriously, I carry a gun in my purse EVERY SINGLE DAY.

He scratches his chin and goes .... there's that.

If I ever blog from jail.... it's gonna be cause I whip that damn LCP out of my purse and shoot somebody till the bullets are gone and then I beat the utter shit out of them with it.

I should go take my happy pills.

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No Shame

I'd like to share with you the fact that I truly have no shame. There are times when this works best for me. Like on the trip home yesterday. At some point during the trip, we got food poisoning. Now Princess and me were dying but Dave and Duchess were happy to violate every bathroom we happened to pass by.

Wait: is this where I warn you that this is a taste-less post? About poo? Yeah, move on if you're above such a thing. ;)

Princess is kinda like her momma, she's picky about bathrooms. But even she has her limits, and apparently there are some bathrooms she'll consider. Like the one at the farm store that was "squeeky clean mom" NOPE. I'm out. I'm waaaaaaay pickier than that. I'll wait till I get home. Thank you very much. Never mind that home is TWO DAYS AWAY.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I met my match though about three hours from home. I wasn't going to make it. So I did what any other strong, opiniated woman on a ledge would do...... I picked the fanciest, expensive hotel in town. You know the one. The outside is impressive... just dripping class and taste. The lobby looks like a really expensive old house. And here's the key, that shit has a conference center where they hold events and etc.... weddings, you know the kind. Yeah, I had Dave drop me off at the front door.

Wearing my pjs (cause I travel like that yo) and my sunglasses (cause I was too good for them common people lol) I busted up in that lobby like I owed that bitch. Then followed the signs to the event rooms and there it was... the holy of all holy bathrooms. Next to any of those areas they always have a very elegant, immaculate bathroom. Nobody stopped me, and in fact if you strut just right, people will literally move out of your way. So I got there fast. I flipped that lock and bless my heart I think I about died. Tried to kill me they did.

Now, the beautiful thing about these bathrooms is the fact that its always stocked with hand oils, real towels and etc so you can literally pamper yourself. I finally swung out of there and walzted through the event prep area where somebody was getting ready for a corporate meeting so I grabbed some bottled water and bailed. Had to walk out the front and then across the road to where the Dave and the kids were shopping at a sports/outdoors store.

I met up with them at the entrance and we all turned to see Princess come quickly walking out of their bathroom. She was moving briskly and looked a little pale. Her exact words "they may need to repaint in there, let's go NOW".

No shame.

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Fishing in the rain

Straight from the memorial to sweats and fishing. Enjoying my kids and our lake visit after celebrating the life of a Godly man. He will be missed.

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Fishing in Ok

Roadtrip.

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Too Close

Perhaps Dave and I are a little too close. We are in the middle of packing, he's working from home, we're trying to juggle getting ready to make a quick trip home so that we can pay our respects to a family member that passed. We are trying to keep spirits up. It's just the two of us this morning and I look over to see him working away on his laptop. He reaches over and carefully pulls one of my long, wavy hairs off his sweatshirt and frowns at it all meany then drops it on the floor. Cause I'm a shit, I'm like "you too good for my hair?".... I'll learn one day to stop poking my husband lol... he smiles and tells me "I love your hair, especially when I pull a long wavy hair out of my buttcrack".

He wins.

Gag.

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Screw My Age

I love when nobody is around cause I can totally act a fool and forget that whole downside of 30 shit. Yeah, I'll be ringing in 36 this May and frankly it can kiss my ass. Other than the fact that I'm fat and have new wrinkles and grey hair that I have to keep dyed, my life rocks, lol.

I'm deep in a fascination with agressive 80's rock. It may be my mood lately but I even got the kids asking Dave for Guns & Roses music, lol. Poor Dave. I got some Alice Cooper blaring while I'm typing this, although it's via headphones since the entire house is asleep. Including Murphy who has a new found attachment to his momma for some reason. I'm in my chair and he's shoveled his fat ass up here with me so he can snuggle up and sleep. Now keep in mind that Dave is sprawled in the king sized bed down the hall with tons of room but oh no, mom's not in there so neither is Murphy. The older he gets, the more attached to me he is. Maybe it's cause I talk to him throughout the day when it's just us here. Maybe cause I feed him but refuse to bath him or pick up his poop. Hey, I have kids. That is totally their job sugarfaces. Not mine! Likewise with scrubbing bathtubs. Oh and feet. I don't do feet either, random but important. I do not clip toenails. Dave does. Ewwwww gag, feet.

Moving on, so things are good here in the ass dimples of Montana. It's still snowing. We got up to a whooping 21 degrees today. The wind was like 30 mph so the drive to church, an hour away, was interesting. Luckily Dave drives in this stuff everyday with his commute so he's a pro. I just say soothing things to him so I feel like I'm helping.... you know, husband stuff. Like: You look very handsome in that shirt honey; I like the no shave look you have going on, sexy and scruffy; Did I mention that I made a brisket for dinner? Yeah, see I contribute.

I like riding to church in his truck. First off, its got leather seats (my poor Fanny doesn't have leather seats) and mostly it's because my seat has a seat heater that could keep soup boiling. Damn I do so luv having a warm bum. Seriously gave this some thought today. That has to be like in my top five fav things.... his seat heater for the truck. Course he never uses his but I love the fact that he goes out to crank the truck before we leave anywhere so it's nice and warm, plus he NEVER forgets to turn on MY seat heater. Yeah, that man gets whatever the hell he wants people.... he spoils my ass rotten and there is no good reason which makes him even better. Speaking of riding to church, one day I'll have to take pics of this track. We literally drive an hour one way to go to this one church... it's an amazing church and the pastor is on fire for the Lord. He preaches to real people too... today I came away with this jewel: JESUS DIDN'T DIE FOR US TO BE PERFECT, HE REDEEMED US BECAUSE HE KNOWS WE NEVER WILL BE. Yeah, for sinners like me, this is a comfort. I try to be good but I am a sinner so I will always struggle. Moving on, the kids are hysterical on the drive. They have each graduated to ipod/phones and headphones. They are jamming the whole way there. Nobody really likes to listen to Dave's music for an hour straight so we all bring our own. lol. Poor Dave. But the driver always has radio control, hence his rule for always driving lol. I usually bring a blanket and nap too. Cause I'm cool like that. Put me in a warm seat and start driving, I'm out jack. Like a light. We never eat after church in that town, it's a oil boom town and frankly there is nowhere to eat that isn't packed anyway. We always stop and get a bag of: mentos ( I have an unhealthy addiction to them), cokes, beef jerky and cashews. We have the worse snack habits, lol. But add all that crap together and Princess can burp a hole in a window. Good grief. We also spend that ride home chatting usually about our week and telling funny stories before the ipods come back out.

So on that note, say a little prayer for a friend of mine... her family is trying to get custody of their little niece who really needs to be with their family!

And to help me stay on the wagon... cause I'm craving a smoke so damn bad right now.

Peace out monkeys!

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Getaway

We ran away for the weekend.  Omg I needed that. ; )

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Crazy Town

My idea to double up on my last two classes for my MBA program so that I can graduate in May, was the dumbest thing I've done this year. Well, right after quitting smoking (still ready to chew somebody's head off for that shit).

My teacher is an ass. She is getting the nastiest write up on my student review as possible. I get that it's a MBA level class, but her habit of adding last minute assignments is gonna kill me. This week alone I've had two papers, discussions, an essay, and a full project. Then the day the project was due she added another paper.

Yep, she's a pickle.

I'm eatting tums like crazy but I'm determined to not let this class throw my 4.0. Which is why I've been missing in action on this site. Sorry peeps. Somebody send me some damn ciggies and chocolate STAT.

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New Pope

It's amazing as I watch the arrival of the new Pope. On one hand, I am happy for the Catholics however on the other hand.... Jesus is my Pope so it really boggles my mind the power that the people give to the Pope rather than focusing on Jesus.

Moment of reflection there.

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TMI - You've been warned

So we've had an interesting by product of my new "eat clean" thing I've been doing for the family. (I'll touch up on that shit later) Gas. Everyone in my house is gassy like nobody's busy. Seriously. So long story short, we'll all chowing down on a loaded up salad after church on Sunday (our go to meal) and the conversation turned to the gas issue.

Back story here.... our house is a walk up. You walk up to the main level outside. The top story is elevated with a porch and everything. You have the kitchen, livingroom, office, bathroom and master on the top floor then downstairs you have an office, den, laundry, bathroom and kids bedrooms. The garage is off to the side of the house FYI in case you are having trouble with the mental image.

So in theory if you are upstairs in the master bathtub and you have to pass a windy, or toot, or fart, or whatever you call it at your house.... well did you know that to anyone downstairs it will sound like an F16 is landing on the roof?

And in theory, if you pass such a windy in the bathtub and you have someone sitting in the livingroom, they TOO can hear it.

And this wouldn't be so freaking hysterical if at the time of the alleged incident, Princess wasn't downstairs with two of her friends and Duchess wasn't in the livingroom with her friend.

Seriously, I couldn't wait to call and tell Dave.... his response... I've known about this for years. You do it ALL the time... allegedly.

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Hiding the Crazy

I'm doing a better job of hiding the crazy these days. I'm really enjoying my week so far... it's a little underwhelming but I'm down 6.5 lbs and that is pretty cool for me. I still have 20 lbs to go to hit my goal. Time to be slim and sexy again, cause this lumpy crap is depressing....

I've managed to hit the gym for the past seven days. I'm averaging two miles a morning on the treadmill then I have my weight training then a nice stretch down, although I've stopped the yoga but I need to add that back cause the stretching is super feel good! I've also added zumba twice a week to my schedule. I'm horrible at it but I leave sweat soaked and ready for a nap so I would say mission accomplished. Kickboxing is on hold until they start the womens class, my ass can't hang with the teen and the college kids doing all that cardio. Princess however has a freaking six pack going on cause she is hanging just fine. (don't worry, I stay there and supervise) She is literally working out with the college baseball team, the team captain is also the class instructor. Did I mention that since my 14 year old looks like she's a college chick herself, that I stay and hang out to supervise? Yeah, she's only 14 so moms gotta do what moms gotta do.

So the kids have their own schedule that keeps me hopping too....Let's continue with Princess shall we? She's started softball season here, she did find her a travel team only problem is that her team practices in doors until May when weather permitting they can practice outside and late May-late June will be tournaments every weekend. So she's pretty happy about that, so far she's playin short stop. Then there is kickboxing twice a week. She's taking the advanced class now for a total of three hours a week. Hard core cardio means she is ripped, lol. Means that momma is also trying to force more protein in her but she isn't a big meat eater so I'm having to be sneaky and find protein in other forms to keep her healthy! Now first of March, she starts playing tennis for the high school. She and her partner are the only eight graders on the team, she won't be able to play any legal state games but she can scrimmage and play local games so it'll just help her skills. Grades are up thankfully too! Since we are big on more carrot and less stick at this age, she's going snowboarding this weekend as a treat since we are super pleased with the progress she's made. Another reason to kick your kids junk if they slack off and get off track peeps. But seriously the coolest thing about the kid lately? She asked for and got a purity ring! So impressed with her choices. Although her room looks like ass and I'm sick of picking up her dirty crap off the bathroom floor.

Duchess ain't slacking either. That kid is slowly branching out. She's not my sports nut. She is my introverted girl. She likes books.She's the kid at the library that is reading nonfiction books for fun. ON the way to church Sunday, (our commute is an hour one way) she was reading aloud and sharing information about deep sea animals with us. I'll never look at the ocean the same. Seriously. Ever. She is rocking out grade wise, having just tested a full year ahead in her reading comprehension from where she tested back in August which was still ahead. Her treat for that was a trip to the school book fair, I do so love that. Since she hasn't done anything since soccer she and I have been negotiating. See I'm a huge fan in keeping them moving and active. If I keep their schedules full too, we don't dwell on the fact we are in the middle of fucking nowhere. Seriously. Although I will say, the people here in the middle of nowhere like to be active and busy too. So I talked her into trying kiddo kickboxing and that has stuck. Like Dave, she enjoys hitting stuff. So that is twice a week. Then she was invited to kiddo zumba by her friend so we tried that. She freaking loves that shit. Who knew. So we got that once a week. Toss in piano and bb gun shooting and she is literally busy every night of the week except Monday. I love it. Happy busy kids.

Speaking of crazy. I'll get around to our hiking incident later this week. For now, I have a pork roast in the crock pot to pull and bbq, potato salad to mix and throw in the fridge cause we have kickboxing and everyone likes to eat AFTER. So I'm out.

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Happy V Day y'all

It's Valentine's Day up in the crappy strangely flat hills of eastern Montana (let there be no mistake, this is not the attractive part of the state). Today was a good day. Day whatever day of the happy pills (anxiety my ass, appears I'm a bit angry without my cigs).... and I've managed to actually get some things moving and going. As I sit here, Dave is still working... the man is a machine and work is busy, this is a blessing so I will not complain, no really.... so I've got steak marinating and dinner is gonna be way easy and fast. I've been on the run ALL DAMN DAY.

Got up on time and instead of crawling back into bed, I dropped kids off and put on a sports bra and instead crawled into the gym. I stretched and sat there bitching until my workout partner arrived. She is perpetually happy and smiley. She ignores the shit that comes out of my mouth the first thirty minutes of gym time until I stop talking like a sailor and remember my real words then she's all "there she is, good morning sunshine... let's burn some fat" and off we go. Did abs today. Ouch-like-a-murther-fucker. Got my mile in and then did my arms. Taped in too, which was a joy let me tell you. Almost as bad as weighing myself lately. Sorry but sarcasm lives here now ALOT, I'm trying to be better but just hang with me. So I managed to rock out at the gym then come home for a quick ho-bath... yeah some of you know what that means.... I was in a hurry.

Cause I had to drive an hour away to where Dave works for a hair appointment. Word of mouth from some church peeps that have decent hair and I was there. Three colors and all foil, $60. Seriously I was like .... can I tip you too? Casue that is dirty cheap and it looks good. I needed to get some blonde and light reds in there because my damn grey hair is abundant. I'm too young for all this grey!!!!! So that was seriously the rest of my day. But it was so fun. The place is full of old ladies and today some of the special residents from a livein home was there for their haircuts. Fun! I had plenty of people to talk to and one guy kept telling me I was purty.... who wouldn't love that?

Then it was rush home, 50 plus miles in the snow. Did I mention that it was snowing all day? Casue I had to pick up some steaks and yummies for our family dinner. We gonna play monopoly and have steak tonight. Jealous?

Met Duchess at the bus stop, drop stuff off at house and grab her workout clothes and piano bag. Take Duchess to kidz zumba which she and a friend LOVE and would rather do that regular dance, so okay. Then run back to pick Princess up off the bus and take her to piano. Then back to zumba to grab Duchess and switch kids at piano. Then Princess and I sat outside quizzing on her vocab until Duchess was done with piano.

Now it's homework time for kids and blog time for me!

Say a little prayer that tomorrow I'll get up and go to the damn gym first thing to stetch and then walk across the road to big kid zumba.

Cause I'm gonna need it after I make pineapple upside down cupcakes tonight.

I'm out.

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Grouchy is the New Me

Amazingly enough, I'm still cig free but it's becoming obvious that I need a way to bleed off my stress. Apparently screaming at somebody who cut me off in the Walmart parking lot is not appropriate, sigh............Dave. Blah!

Kickboxing is great. I'm super sore and my tummy hurts from the damn blurpees. Seriously thought about punching the instructor in the throat when we got to the flipper kicks... yeah huh there's that violent streak of mine again. Strange, Dave may be onto something here. I've lost 2 lbs in a week from my classes and I really need to get off my ass and start measuring myself rather than weighing cause that shit is depressing.

I've been absent from my blog for so long... I've been subbing like crazy for the middle school. What started as a way to keep my finger on the girls' school stuff and meet some of their teachers have turned into a steady gig. A steady gig that pays crap, lol. I have a pile of checks from them that I need to cash one day and buy some shoes. But one of the English teacher has been having seizures and is having long term medical care so I'm working alot. However, considering that I don't have a teaching cert... I've been waiting on them to bring in somebody, anybody else that can create lesson plans to catch these kids up, cause that is not moi. Luckily this coming Wed I'm handing over the reins to a retired teacher coming back to take over. Yes! I plan on sleeping in and spoiling myself rotten. Oh and laundry, I gotta take back over laundry. The kids have been winging it and frankly, Dave is ready to throw all their clothes out into the yard over the wrinkled shirts hanging in his closet. Geeeeeez.

The new house is looking pretty good inside. I've gotten my red accents up in the livingroom and it's lovely! Course not as lovely as my log cabin in the mountains was lovely but it's pretty dang cute. The kids have gotten completely set up downstairs and thanks to their smell goods, they are rocking some really sweet smells down there too, Princess likes the cupcake scented candles and Duch likes the apple ones. So it's really nice and girlie smelling down there, poor Dave.

We actual got a break in the weather and saw 40 degrees this week. The snow is almost all melted and the locals have me convinced that the mild winters follow me around. Cause my old place in Idaho is under 5 ft of snow right now and this the first mild winter up here in Montana in years. Thank you Lord, cause I really do hate snow.

Off to bed for me. More soon. Hope you are all well! We are doing pretty good here. The girls are settled and thriving. Just wishing we were closer to fam but for now, life here is good.

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My New Hobby

This week I started kickboxing. Cause frankly my life isn't busy enough.... now I have a full workout schedule. Two days a week of zumba, two days a week of kickboxing and the rest of the week I'll walk/jog and stretch. Hopefully, I'll pull weight soon. I'm down 3 lbs. Yes!

I just finished my second class. Let's take stock:

First night was Wed: it's an hour and a half class length. I made Dave go with me, guilt trip worked. Princess and Duchess took the kids class and Princess moved up to the adult class with us. It's a family thing. The gym is owned by a former military guy who is also a MMA fighter and trainer. I was scared shitless to go in there for the first class but since Dave went with me, I made it.

We did 30 minutes of hardcore cardio. I almost died. Dave really almost died, he was so red and I was seriously starting to worry. Bless his heart, he made it too. Princess just rocked it along. She is kinda hardcore, I'm a little scared of her. We did laps, we skipped, we shuffled, we crab walked, we did pushups, we did burpies, we did alot of shit that I can't remember the names but the damn flutter kicks almost killed me. Then we taped up and worked on punches. Jabs and cross. Did drills, shadow boxed with partners, and then we wrapped up doing some legwork drills. Insane. I had tears in my eyes when I was unwrapping my hands because I seriously didn't think I had it in me to finish BUT I DID!

Then the next morning, I literally could barely move. I stretched throughout the day but felt lousy.

This morning, still stiff. Stretched, then headed out to sub for 8th grade English. Then it was class time again. Thanks to some swelling with my bum knee, I had to make some adjustments to some of the exercises but I still made it through the entire thing. We did kick basics today. We also closed by playing Red Rover. Seriously, have you played that with adults before, yeah I was out first, damn knee. lol......

Again, I'm sore.

Really really sore.

But I feel a sense of accomplishment that I haven't before when it came to working out. I feel strong. I might be fat, but I'm still strong.

More soon.... school finally slowed down so I have lots of updating on here to do. :)

Till tomorrow!

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Queen of Everything, proof

Please maximize the above.... look at the ooeey goodness of that glaze, and the yummy moist cupcakes that I created from scratch for my husbands birthday. I'm the HBIC in my kitchen and holy crow, did I pull out a good one for this meal considering that I've had the plague, yeah again. Can you tell that they screwed up my flu shot, yeah they did and I didn't get one. Asshats. So since I was sick, I'm a pinterest ho. I threw my bbq chicken in the crockpot for eight freaking hours. Yum. And lazy. Then I sliced up some squash, zucs, tomatoes, and onions... drizzle with olive oil and spices and roast in the oven... parm on top then done. Finally, buttered baby potatoes........ yeah it was fantastic. Took a tiny little amount of effort and it was amazing. But those cupcakes.............holy shitballz. I made 12 miniture cakes for him and we all ate them... so now I'm stuck making some for his office. (and me) and maybe some for the teachers at the middle school cause they cool and work for peanuts and frankly, they are awesome. (and me)

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Pissy Me

I really hate when the pot is passing judgment on the kettle. I'm just irrated as fuck right now. taking my grumpy ass to bed. Oh but the good news is that I survived my weekend... Prin had a softball clinic in the big big city (four plus hours away) and we enjoyed some shopping and hotel beds while we were there. I picked up the few things I needed for the new house and finally, I'm making progress on getting settled in. Now if I could just get that garage cleared out. Time to shovel that crap around and find some parking space. Peace out....

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Okay fatie

Well I had a talk with myself yesterday. TOld that lazy ass hobag to get off her saddlebags and get her shapely self back. Yeah, so I downloaded a ton of cadences (shut up they help me stay in rhythm) and some really "guily pleasures" music for my running.... I'm back at it tomorrow. Plus, Dave overheard me telling the lady at the gym that I was interested in their new kickboxing class. Oh lord help me that man is gonna be the death of my ass.... he came home tonight with a receipt and a "so proud of myself" smile.... he signed me up and paid. Bless his heart... I may have to kidney punch him in his sleep. Here we go.... again ;)

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