Bullets In My Bra

Holiday fun means different things to different people. We've enjoyed our holiday season just being close and hanging out together. It has been quite the experience. So yesterday on The Man's last day off we headed out to shoot at the local range since it was too cold to do so outside. The place was full of men and rednecks and 4x4 trucks. However it worked out well. We made quite the scene busting up in there, but I had yet to shoot my new gun so The Man wasn't having any excuses. So in we go, all in earplugs, Duchess picked them out, we were all rocking some purple earplugs. It was cramped and crowded but fun. Our friend, Mrs. C, was there and shot for the first time, that was pretty cool.

The Man took the the girls in and got several rounds in. Princess is turning out to be quite the markswoman. However, she was very upset that she couldn't bring her bow in and get some arrows notched.

Then it was my turn, reloading momma that I am. My gun shoots beautifully and it was a great time had by all.

Afterwards, we parted, The Man taking the kids home and having some guitar superstar fun, while me and Mrs. C took off and about to hit a good sale at the penney's. It was quite a good sale. I got some blankets and I got the Man some good clothes for work.

Then I found some nice work clothes, so I headed off to the dressing rooms with my stash. It was there while changing out of my forty pounds of layering that I finally got down to my shirt. After whipping it off, I bent over to untie my boots and out of my bra feel a dang shell casing.

Is it redneck of me to have bullets in my bra?

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Batteries not included*

The total cost of Christmas aside, why in the hell do toys now come without batteries? I made three trips to Walmart in the nearest town, in three consecutive days, each and every time, forgetting the batteries, the very life force to make these stupid new toys work.

So I ran up to the corner store where milk is $8.50 a gallon and picked up some batteries under extreme pressure.... i.e. Duchess grounded me
Total battery cost so that I can hear the four best songs from High School Musical.....$5.90

Total cost of the batteries to make this karaoke contraption work, cause Duchess likes to serenade everyone in the potty...... $4.55

Cost to make her a guitar star......$4.55

Not pictured, the 8 D batteries needed to make beautiful music come out of the new keyboard..... $10.30

I.E. I'm broke, however, I'm still going to IKEA tomorrow, where batteries are not necessary for happiness....

Need anything?

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You Can't Make This Sh*t Up

There are certain stories that happen that are just too good to be true, you can't make it up. Tonday was The Man's and my official anniversary, true we celebrate our one in August rather than the actual date, it's easier. Except since The Man came home with silver, as in a beautiful bracelet and matching earrings. This is the same man that bought me a handgun and conceal and carry license for our last anniversary. So it was a pretty big deal.

So I ran out today and picked him up something (as I was unprepared since we don't celebrate this anniversary) after mailing my Christmas packages (sorry, they'll be there the day AFTER Christmas everyone) Duchess and I swung by the local Tack/Cowboy store. We picked up an awesome shooters vest that makes The Man look very sexy and has room for all his ammo and cell phone and everything else he could ever want to carry. Plus, it makes him look very sexy....

However, the rest of our impromptu anniversary plans were dashed by a leaky garbage disposal. See the girls planned a whole day of family fun (movie and dinner and sledding) to celebrate Mommy and Daddy's big day. Big hearted little punks, notice how all the activities are something they love to do....but we did none...

Got up this morning to water pouring out under the sink and a nasty mold spot. Not good. So on his last day off this week, The Man has spent most of it under my kitchen sink. Cussing. So I've seen alot of his legs but not much of his face. The girls and I have preserved and managed to have a good day hanging out, staying out of his way. We vaccummed the stairs, that is fun!

Well after dinner we realized we needed a new disposal, so the two of us hopped in the truck and headed off to Lowes. The girls were happy to go to the basement and keep Mims company. Thank you Mims! I had plenty of time to stroll Lowes and found some cool stuff for the house, that I didn't buy, cause I'm a good girl. But finally we were ready to head back home to spend the rest of our evening putting in a disposal, notice I say we.....I'm so funny.

However, it's on the way that I remind The Man that I need Wiki...

See my office is closed now until after The New Year, so that all employees have the whole holiday season with their families. I love my job. But because it's a ghost town, they'll drop the temp and close up shop. So I had to bring Wiki home for the holidays.

Wiki is my adopted fish. When I got promoted at work, the only office space open was at the very back of the office, where it's very quiet and lonely. I love it! However, a guy at the office heard me joke about needing company and how I was gonna get a fish, and poof...the next day there was a bowl and food and a beta.

I named him Wikipedia (my latest obsession) or Wiki for short.

Turns out, I'm a sucker. This is the fish that will not die. This family has been trying to get rid of this fish for a year. Their kids were bored with it and sometimes went weeks without feeding it, the parents were sick of cleaning the bowl and the 3 year old played with it in the bathtub once. He still lives. Even though in a rare moment of cannibalism, he ate one of his own fins due to lack of food. He's funny looking but red and cute and I like him. He's my friend.

So I'm grown rather fond of this red fish. He has become an office attraction too. I never have peace and quiet at work now, cause people come to visit Wiki. And me, I'm loveable too. But he gets fed multiple times a day, cause everyone knows his story and feels bad for the little guy. The it was noticed that during the night, his water got too cold, so someone brought in a little lamp to go over his bowl which keeps him warm and happy. His own personal Bermuda.

So we pull up to my office building in the snow and let ourselves in to get the fish. I even brought a box and packing paper to ensure a safe transit. I'm alittle attached to my fish.

After ensuring that he was travel ready, The Man carried him out and we headed for the stairs.

One step away from the landing, The Man's wet jeans and his boots caused a minor mishap. He went down, holding the box with my precious Wiki....

However, rather than toss or drop or kick my fish out of the way to keep himself upright, he went to the mat with my fish in hand. Water sloshed and they landed with a thud but The Man was quick to ask if he'd made it? But the force of the landing propelled my fish up and into the air, where he wiggled in red blurry slow motion as he dropped to the side of the box.

Quick as can be, The Man scooped him up and plopped him back in his water. He saved Wiki.

Now, the walls of the hallway, the carpet and The Man are all covered in fish water and the box is now leaking.

After doing a spot check on my man and promising him a rub down for his bad knee, we managed to make it to the truck with no worries. Safely in the truck with Wiki between my feet, leaking fish water, we headed home in the snow and ice.

The Man stopped not once or twice but four times along the way to have me check on him.

It was about a mile from home and instead of suggesting that I throw my troublesome fish out the window, The Man casually suggested I swing into town and get him a better bowl.

Damned if this wasn't the best anniversary ever.....

Wiki says hi, pictures of the little man to come.

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Birthday Girl

Happy 5th birthday to my baby....

She's almost ready for kindergarten although she says she'd rather have a mustang first

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Cajun Loving

The aunts have pulled through. They managed to send me a box ontime (which makes me very embarassed as I haven't mailed anything yet, hello UPS man...) and out of the blue.

Have you ever drooled when opening a present?

Try one with this:

gumbo base

crawfish jelly

sweet potato butter

muscadine jelly

red bean and rice seasonings

cajun honey

Hello sweet things, how are you? You're looking mightly good today...

I'm ashamed to say I opened every jar and tasted it all...with a lot of eye rolling and sighing. The Man then pointed out that thanks to my greediness I would have to find room in my stocked fridge to put it all. Oh bother...

What is the approprate thank you for a box of home-style goodness?

I'm sending a stripper!

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Having Babies under the Tree.....

No we're not talking about Jamie Lynn Spears today, but The Man and I have noticed a problem. The presents are multiplying under our tree faster than bunnies on crack. He swears that when we turn the lights off for the night, the presents are bumping ribbons and making baby presents.

In reality, I know it's because this year, my husband is home for the entire holiday season hence he is out purchasing gifts and picking things up here and there. My mother and father are in my basement, meaning they are purchasing gifts and picking things up here and there. And I've done the usual, buy everything for everyone assuming I'm the only one doing it. There are also the presents for teachers, coworkers, family and friends that have NOT been mailed yet, under my tree.

This translates into the biggest Christmas ever.

You know it's bad when you have your little girls' birthday party and one kid wants to take her gift back home, cause "Duchess already has everything" said while pointing to the mound of presents under our tree.

So I sat down with a list and listed everything we've bought them......and us and my mom and the photo elusive step-dad....

-a crap ton of clothes, because you don't move your kids into the winter wonderland of six months of snow without winter clothes, which we did......so I'm making up for it now.
-alot of cool room stuff (new bedding, lamps, posters)
- toys
-learning toys
- scientific toys

I'm gonna stop here and I'll just say that next year I'm in serious trouble.........I'll be buying Christmas starting in April.

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A Snowy Trip

A little while ago, the Hubs and I took a trip into the mountains for a night away from the kids for my work party. Woohoo, we have had two nights this year to ourselves and we made the most of our naked time, opps our time together. But first we had to drive through the first snow storm of the season to get there...which started before we left, dang the luck.
So here is us leaving the boondocks, where we live. Outskirts of a large city that is rapidly growing....that is so sad....this is where The Man and I are happily chatting and catching up on our gossip.

Here is the mouth of the storm, where The Man started loudly complaining about the local drivers, who should know how to drive in such crappy weather but apparently don't care. I started reading my book, yummy yummy Eve Dallas book....which I've become so hooked on, that I've started walking into my shower and ordering it to 98 degrees, dang thing don't work.

So here we are almost there, visability has gotten better the higher we came as we caught a break in the storm. However, that vein in The Man's forehead has grown massive and his jaw has been clinched for about ohhhh 40 miles. He has decided that all the idiots in this state should be roasted on an open spit, that was the nicest thing he has said..I'm still reading my book.

We're getting closer to our hotel, and the road has improved, yet the idiot in front of us has slid off the road and back on four times in less than a mile.....The Man is now questioning the parental breeding involved in the existance of this person..

Oh our turn at the hotel, road is worse but my car is a badass, so here we go. The Man is by now cursing the fact that he has to wear a tie, which he couldn't find, meaning after checking in, he has to go back to the town we passed and buy a tie. We should check out the fact that he only wore a tie at our wedding because it was part of his naval uniform....and has never wore one again. So I was hearing alot about this tie at this point...and reading my book, and going uh-huh... Not to mention the abilities of the local drivers..I think I've mentioned that before.

Tucked into this is our hotel, I love it....we're almost there, and The Man has about blown that vein in his forehead. I'm still reading my book. It was a great part.

We've checked into our room and I am loving the view. The only noise was the ski lift generators that ran constantly.....the man was so happy with the suite that the man actually didn't mention the road conditions or the lousy drivers or anything but ahhhhh this couch is comfortable. Yeah we're loving life at that point, okay he was, I was running like crazy with snow in my curlers trying to finish up the party site. But it worked out....and I got to stand out on that balcony and look at this beautiful site and hear the generators for 24 hours. It was great......

And the snow kept coming....and kept coming....so the firm had the shuttle take us up in two busloads rather than one, in case one crashed and burned, half of the firm would survive to carry on...I wish I was kidding but I'm not.

So instead of running home, since the weather was already bad, The Man agreed to hit the outlets with me, woohoo...shopping baby. All in all, it was a great snowy trip.

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It's that time again.....

So is it cheating if you throw it together in Publisher, print color copies and laminate half page invites to hand out to a bunch of preschoolers?

I have never cut birthdays so close this year but here we go...........Duchess is turning 5~

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Saving Grace

I have been taking more time to smell the roses, nuzzle my kids' hair and cuddle with my hubs. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the grey hairs I kept finding........

Last night was one of those mental moments. Those moments you memorize and lock up safely in your heart. Last night my oldest daughter got saved. She accepted Christ sitting in her daddy's lap on her bedroom floor. Tears and laughs and smiles.

It's an amazing thing to see your children grow and stretch. Even if I'm not ready, she's growing so quickly, so smart and so determined.

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I survived.....I think

I've neglected my blog but it couldn't be helped. There are only so many ways you can get pulled before you start yanking your own hair out......and while doing that notice that your roots are passed acceptable and need immediate attention as well.

The Holiday party went off like a roman candle. It was perfect. Since it was held up at a ski lodge we had to drive a little over an hour to get there. As soon as we hit the interstate, it started to snow quite hard. Hello, pretty white stuff rocks! So while The Man drove us up the mountain in the pretty snow, I read my book and tried not to completely smoke him out of the car.

We finally get close and I had him drop me off at the event site so I could assist with set up and his only job was to go back .5 mile and check into our hotel room. Oh wait, no, he had to drive all the way back to town and shop for a tie, cause he couldn't find one of the two he owns. He was not loving me at that moment. Plus the fact that it was now snowing hard enough that you couldn't tell what color my car was.

So I get in there and we set up the flowers and the media equipment. We stuffed the gift bags with papers and pretty little gifts. We sampled the food that was already in process. We were so rocking. So I headed back down the mountain with one of my coworkers in a borrowed 4x4. It took 30 minutes to go .5 miles. Pitiful, but we were stuck behind a snowplow.

So I'm wet, muddy, have glitter everywhere and am still wearing my sharpie marker behind my ear when I drag myself into the lobby of heaven. The hotel was amazing. I am so loving my firm. Being a ski town, they are a little short on traditional space so the hotel is set up like a maze that twists and turns and winds around. I finally found my room, with my husband inside.

I walk in and he tells me that the room is incredible and it's too late to give it back cause he's already unpacked and sat on the couch. Seems we got one of the fancy rooms, opps....hate it when that happens. I didn't cook in the kitchen but I washed my hands there, does that count? I didn't use all three bathrooms but I did soak in the jetted tub....counts. I didn't want tv but I did read in the livingroom.....counts. I totally loved the little makeup room off the bedroom, but the beds were great. Only problem in heaven..........double beds...........two of them.........hello.....?

So we ignored that problem for now. We got dressed, I smoked like a train on the balcony once I realized that ours faced the woods and noone from work could see me..........toot toot. I frebreezed myself so I wouldn't stink like an ashtray and off we went. We had a big ole shuttle bus to get up the mountain. Then there was pictures in the foyer, then there was drinks (hello, why have alcohol there, these people don't drink?) and little puffs of something on trays circling the room, never did manage to chase down the shrimp girl. Those babies looked great. We managed to get seats by the window out of the way, we watched the snow fall, so pretty. There was a welcome speech, yada-yada, there was dinner served out of the fireplaces, interesting concept I tell you, there was a video presentation of our company successes and not so hot moments, yada-yada. Then there was dessert, very cool and yummy... then the roast and the award ceremonies.

My job was all the electronics and the graphics and do hickeys of the night. I did the video and the presentations and the graphics and music for the awards. In other words, I'm the behind the scenes nerd, and I'm completely okay with that. I would rather not be up in front of my entire firm in a dress and heels but no stockings cause I forgot them, urgh!

So when the awards started, I kept on eating, cause I wrote the entire script for all the presenters to say, so I kinda knew what was coming next.....haha writer's joke. The idea of the awards were we created funny categories and then had everyone vote on a winner......yeah fun.

So when Office Diva was announced and the nominations read, I knew I was on the nominations, all the women in the office were....and when Beyonce's Independent Woman played a nice little fade in and out clip before they announced the winner, I knew that too (I did that) but when they announced my name, the piece of chocolate covered banana I was eating got stuck in my throat. Brought tears to my eyes....you see I had just won Office Bitch, but Bitch wasn't a word we could say at my firm so it became Diva. My husband didn't look surprised which really bothers me, he doesn't work with me. My boss stands up and give the old woop woop thing, she is a hoot. So there I am with a little gold man on my desk, I have proof now that I'm the biggest Bitch I know, I've earned it. So I figure I'll keep the momentum going.

Afterwards we had that big ole room to ourselves and when we finally hit the hay, we each took a bed, like Fred and Wilma........

Next year our holiday party will be at Chuckie Cheese.........I swear.....

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