It's not easy to blindside me.
Over the years my optimism has been dwindling. I tend to look for the worst possible thing/trait/route at from the start now. I hate that. But I struggle to see my glass as half full.
Got blindsided. My basket is full and I'm worried about dropping an egg or two, or dozen.
I keep thinking that the Lord will show me the path we need to be on, especially since the new year we've had one blow after another. Yet, just when I throw my hands in the air and kick a wall thinking that I've hit my limit........another blow.
July has been a doosey of a month.
Princess is having surgery next Monday. Nothing too big just worried about possible complications with her eardrums (she's having her tonsils removed). The hard part was the quickness with how necessary the surgery was. Poor baby. Good news, I have insurance through my job and this is the first time I've really had to depend on it for something other than a doc visit and I must say, I'm not impressed with it. Damn people, with what this surgery is costing me I'm wondering why I pay premiums at all? Don't get me started on insurance outside of the military, I will explode.
I have no daycare as of yesterday. Things went down beyond my control (which I utterly hate, OCD much?) and I lost my shit. I wish I was kidding, but I was a cooked goose yesterday. Went so far to scream "F*ck This" in the middle of my conservative, LDS workplace. Dear God. Yeah, you read that right, I lost it.
But hitting a brick wall and crumbling has its own rewards. The Lord stepped in not 3 hours after I hit my knees at my desk and just gave it up. Cause I couldn't carry it, couldn't fix it, couldn't think. I live in the freaking boonies. I compute to work.......yet there are very very very few daycare options out here. Women with kids stay home. Period. Yet 3 hours after my little mini-nervous-breakdown the Lord gave me a really really good fix.
The kids will be spending the next three months with the photo elusive retired cop stepdad of mine. Cause honestly, there are few few people I trust with them more than daddy. He'll come over to my house and hang with them so they can play outside and etc. It never occurred to me until I looked at his face when he opened the door and gave me a hug. I slept just fine last night.
Dave is testing tomorrow for his certs that will allow him to accept a perm position with that company (he's been contract) which means benefits, more traveling and stability for him. He's worked his butt off and he's doing so well.
Wish I could say the same.
Feeling like a spectator in my own life right now.
But my glass is half full.........
And I am on level 7 of Mafia Wars, which kicks arse considering I just started "killing" last night. Not bad..........not bad.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Walking on Faith
