I just don't fit in all the time. And you know what, I'm totally okay with that. Even though since moving to Utah, it's becoming glaringly obvious that I'm the square peg. Don't get me wrong, I'm not melancholy about it, I'm not gloating in it either, just stating an obvious.
I'm different.
Before moving here, I can easily say that I'm the most conservative person I know, this counting the f-bombs and smoking......my two greatest faults. Yep, ask most, I'm a prude. But I'm a fun prude.
Nope, here I'm the "one who shall be spoke about in quiet whispers". And again, strangely I get a kick out of it. My boss is a perfect example. Not too long ago, he remarked that I was in an oddly good mood that week, when asked why he thought that, he replied that I haven't dropped an f-bomb or given anyone "the look" all week. Yeah, talk about classy! Whew, move over, cause the pearls and the highlights are helping my redneck image, not at all.
So last night after chasing my children around the house, begging them to put clothes on and go to bed, I finally managed to drag my sorry self out on the back porch for a bedtime smoke, cause I was sooooooo gonna go collapse. Now, I don't know about you? But me? I do not have cute pjs. Oh I have two sets that are company friendly but otherwise they are old exercise pants and one of The Man's white t-shirts, that dwarf me. So there I sit, on my back porch, swearing cause who can really sleep with the sun shining so brightly at 9 p.m., smoking away in my pjs.
The Man comes out to join me, he is not in pjs. He must be psychic. Cause sure enough, before I could get through my ciggie, five (please count them FIVE) couples had wandered over to meet and greet. The Man quickly looks down at me (probably remembering that the pants I had on at the time, have a rather large hole in the seat of them, greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat!) and promptly rushes over to the sidewalk to intercept them. All the while, gesturing with his head for me to go in, presumably to change clothes and come back out.......
Does he not know me?
So I ignored them and finished my ciggie, finished his too. Waved a couple times when someone looked my way, and completely hung him out to dry. Then I went in. Where he scared me half to death by beating on the bathroom window.
Okay fine. I got dressed and went outside, with my hair on top of my head, no makeup, and a not very genteel attitude. Sorry Nanny, just couldn't do it.
So I finally met EVERYONE, good lord. And then we chatted, yes I work, no I don't mind, yes I like it, no I'm good at it, geez...........MYOB much people.
But then we started yaking about HOA's and I totally started communing with these people. They were real nice at that point. Till one of them said this.........
"I'm so glad you moved in, our kids swore up and down there was a dead body in your house, with blood all over the ways and a ghost, ha ha, you know........kids being kids, especially teenagers....but at least they'll stop trespassing and looking in the windows........"
Before I could stop myself my mouth popped open and the words that were coming out of my mouth were pure Louisiana gold....you know the type.......sugar wouldn't have melted in my mouth......accent so thick you had to pay attention to really get what I was saying.....(I blame my mother for that ability, I really do....)
"Oh of course, how very rude of them, well we'll have a fence, real soon and I do conceal and carry for a reason you know. Oh honey, remind me to call the preacher and have him come purge that damn ghost right across the back yard into her house would ya?"
Okay, #1....did I really just tell them people that I shoot trespassers and #2.......did I really just threaten to send evil spirits over to visit?
There was probably good reason they all stood there with their mouths open, I swear one crossed himself and I'm 100% sure he was not Catholic....but the minute I shared this gem....
"Oh we're Baptist"
Everyone smiled and nodded and went back to our conversation like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Square peg..........
But in the end, before I yawned so big The Man told me not to eat him, we were invited to the neighborhood bbq this next week. Holy cow, it's almost like being in a click in high school.......cause not just anybody gets invited to those.......or so they assured us.
Square peg..........
Square peg trying really hard to resist the urge to invite all the other poor neighbors who didn't get a flyer and then play stupid.........
(insert evil laugh here)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Square Peg......Round Hole
