I spent my evening in the ER... cause I'ma Griswald decedent, I swear. It started as a stomach bug that was going around. Some damn outbreak monkey shared that shit with me. Then it was the cappuccino from the gas station that Dave brought me cause he's a stud! He had to go check on his office in another state (keep your panties on it's only two hours away) so I was gonna ride along so we could hang out and then do some Christmas shopping, cause I'm slick like that. Except, I was dragging butt so when he went to drop kids off for school, he brought me that sweet coffee. And it poisoned me. Like seriously. I swoll up like a toady frog. Shit I'm still swollen. Then I puked. Several times. Then had my sweatheart stop and buy me pjs and a Phil Happy Happy Happy pillow so I could schlep my way home comfortable. I was dying. I made it till that evening and it was Urgent Care for me. I hate puking.... goes back to high school.
Those sweet nurses were conspiciously absent and Satan's own spawn was manning the Urgent Care. They were apparently looking to close early and she comes out and pulls the "you look so bad and you're gonna need an IV I can just tell, so go to the ER" shit and then turned the lights down. She's lucky I was sick as shit cause I was also "burn that fucker to the ground" pissed. And Dave, being my Dave, is all focused on me not falling on my fall down the long walk from the clinic to the ER because some stubborn ass refused a wheelchair ride.
I have to remind you I'm sure, that I hate needles. I'd rather have hemorrhoids and gout and athletes foot and dysentery before I deal with a needle. Are you ready for the humor? I get pukey when I see needles or blood. The irony is not lost on me. So I'm laying there gagging into the little bowl on my very on stretcher in the quiet little Montana ER.
Now sidenote.... I've been in several ER's. You know me. I'm not a stranger to drama. San Diego Military ER.... like something off TV. Bay after bay of curtained off cubies full of sick, dying, shot (shit you not, shot ass people up in there) and more. It's like the best entertainment on earth. Unless you're sick and all you want is medicine or fucking sleep. The lights and cold air in that place in insane. Even more fun, you get to lay in your damn cubie and watch the staff play on the computer, take calls, even fucking EAT in between patients. Tulsa ER was older, more serene (they must have locked the screamers away that night) and a little dingy frankly. Kingsville Texas was a freaking mess..... West Monroe LA? Fuckers. I never made it past the waiting room so I wouldn't know. Interesting story there.... another contamination... this time at a Sonic. Sharp stabbing pains in my stomach and I was literally screaming and the nurse was all in my face like, there's nothing important on that side of your stomach. Pray for Dave, that was at a Catholic hospital too and when he was done screaming at that nurse in Navy Male speak, I'm pretty sure the police were on the way. He was carrying me out of the ER when I puked violently the contents of my stomach all over their main door entrance and then blacked out. Clean that shit up bitches.
Sorry, distracted. Needless to say, I know my way around an ER. This place is insane. It's all shiney and new. The damn lights DIM. Like sleep happy and snuggly DIM. There weren't curtains, there were ROOMS. With doors and shit. Hold the phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then there was the needle. Made it through that without the nurse laying on top of me. Thanks Dave. The freaking fluids they started was warm! Hello technology. Except the nausea meds they gave me? Yeah , I had a reaction to it. Wait for it, I puked and had anxiety shakes. I looked like a tweaker the nurse said. She's got jokes. Cute.
So for more than three hours, I laid there hooked up to more and more meds. Finally we got it under control and I was able to come home.
High point of my night.... they charged me for my fucking socks.
Mental note: carry extra pair of socks in purse.
On the mend. Slowly.
