Something occurred to me today.
I am unrated, unleased and damn it feels good.
Utah equaled so many things for me. I can count the good things on one hand:
1. My mom and photo-elusive step daddy: still there with my mom's job
2. Friends: Cec, my Canadian friend, who likes me just the way I am....Mary, my former work friend, who has become my friend period as well as my Jimmy Cricket (cause I need that extra voice of conscious sometimes peeps, I get into ALOT of trouble on my own) and my mentor in life and some people who aren't really close friends but will hold a place in my heart. Not being mean but frankly I keep a friend card that is really really slim. Friends have to be people who touch my life and are worth the effort of keeping in touch. That is hard part and I'm never shy about being honest with someone about my lack of need for friends, cause I got me some homegirls that will love me to the very end and beyond so my card is pretty full. (I'm kinda of shit)
3. ?
4. ?
5. ?
Hmmmmm, funny but I couldn't get past #2. But the things I've left behind with my departure from Utah? Well let's hit the high notes: I'm me again.
I've worked since I was 16, full time (not counting taking a few months off with each of my babies after having them). While I had a great job (in money sense) it drained me and left me doubting everything about myself. I stifled the essence of who I was to please them. And in the end, it still ended up not working. I hate myself that I allowed that to occur. I actually let someone's (plural) opinion change the person I was when I was there. I toned it down, I bit my lip and I regret that very much. So after three years in a place where I was the big ole square peg in a world of smoozy, round pegs I can honestly say this: next time I'm gonna be the hammer in this little game.
I'm back peeps. For the first time since my surgery I feel normal. Which for me is unrated, over the top, mouthy, a whole lotta redneck-ish and a little bit weird. I got my stride back. I walk like I own this place, cause I do. I'm rocking my pearls with my boots, jeans and flannel shirts or hoodies with my big ole Texas curly hair and frankly I feel younger than I have in years.
My work clothes? Packed away in storage. My heels? Packed away in storage. The one pair I brought to Texas for date nights? Camo strappy 4 inch heels, cause that is hot peeps.
Being very space challenged, I brought a small wardrobe with me. Two pairs of boots and a pair of camo fmh (anyone know what they stands for? evil laugh), jeans, hoodies, couple flannel shirts and a lot of cami shirts to wear underneath. And know what? I haven't been this comfortable in years.
I spend my days with my girls. They amaze me. I can't believe how amazing they are.
Life is much simpler.
Best of all, since getting settled in here this past week, actually since being laid off in December...my health is improving by leaps and bounds. I can actually sleep at night. My blood pressure is level and normal steadily. My stomach is better than it's been in years, although I'm still super careful with my diet. I'm holding at 9 lbs more than my wedding weight.
God is good. Because I couldn't have planned this, I couldn't have forced this and believe me I tried for a year to make it happen. Walk on faith peeps, because he will show his glory and he will take control if you let him.
Thankful for my blessings.........from Texas
H4G
Monday, January 11, 2010
Unrated
