My Joey

Princess is 15. She's a happy 15. She's also very vested in the family which means that while she's starting to pull away from us in certain areas, she's still close to us in others. While there are girls in her school posting pictures of cleavage, questionable body parts and inappropriate wording all over their social media, my kid working hard to get her grades up, prep for softball, help out at home and find her own footing outside of that "normal" world. I worry that it will be hit us soon, that one day she'll join the ranks of the undesirable teen but for now, she's my Joey.

The kid has this thing about spending time with me. If she doesn't get my attention, she finds a way to put her hands in my pocket.... which starts the "Joey" skit.

(lord help me if I have no pockets at the time)

Regardless of where we presently are, if she turns on the "Joey" everyone around us knows.

She starts singing at the top of her lungs in a fake British access about "I'm your Joey in your pocket mum" and "don't forget your Joey mum"....

I usually end up a pile of mom and teen giggling pissy mess. Meaning I'm pissed and laughing at the same time. Poor people around us, surely they have to think she's mentally special....

But she's my Joey.

My incredibly athletic 116 lb Joey who wants my attention "right-the-fuck-now-please" lol

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D's.... not boobs either

So Princess walked in my house with a D in English. Now I do realize that we're having huge issues with the English teacher.... who buy the way, managed to have "the janitor throw away ALL graded papers from the ENTIRE semester before ANYBODY saw them". So Prin isn't the only one doing poorly, however... life isn't fair. At all. Not fair. So guess what, she's gonna do the time anyway.

So keeping in mind the circumstances that the D came with, I'm allowing her to keep her drivers permit. I'm allowing her to keep her phone and electronics. However, she's grounded from hanging with friends until I see an A on midterms. She's also paying me in chores....

Today's chores:
-help dad cut the antlers off the dead head of his buck (meat came back from the processor)
-dig out all the dog poo in the yard (chip that crap up girl it's ghetto looking)
-gather all trash and clean up garage
-scrub down all bathrooms
-vacuum back stairs and clean out shoe closet

That should rub it in and remind her that hard work pays off. Seriously, I get that it might not be all her fault but in life, you still have to work hard and fight for what you want. She'll have to fight to get the grade in English she wants.

Plus I've ordered us both home copies of all the books that they are covering in English this semester. I'll work with her to try and stay ahead of the curve.

But I'll get my payment for that freaking D somehow.

Side note: I owe Duchess a shit ton of money.... honor roll for the baby

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Update.... two years too late

So since I'm degre-ed out the arse and am running my store while still consulting, it has come to my attention that my Linkedin profile picture is a little dated. Taken over two years ago when my company was doing bios on management, my little black and white headshot was my favorite picture ever. I looked fantastic in my humble opinion.... cause it was professionally edited too!

But sadly, I'm no longer black haired and I have aged in over two years so I gotta update... I finally put it off and got dressed, did the hair and makeup and ended up with two options....

1st option: casual.... Ignore the fatter face
(I'm 25 lbs heavier than my last profile pic so that's obviously gonna show, craaaaaaaaaap) 

 2nd option: updo..... This is my professional look (dude, seriously Dave's like it's Hawt Bitch face)
lol..... but seriously it's my pearls! 

So I went with my professional looking one. If you disagree, leave me a really long rambling comment that I'll read three years from now. Seriously though, pearls win hands done every time. Every single time. Classy for the win!

Like a BOSS

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Bad Murther&^%$%^&

It was a long long day. I've managed to slowly drag myself through my week. My surgery is this Wed and frankly it can't come soon enough. So freaking hurting. However there have been setbacks.... driving is painful at this point.... but I can't brag enough on my husband. This poor bastard has hugged me when I just wanta cry cause I hurt. He chastises the kids when I have to do laundry or chores because they aren't helping enough. He orders dinner when I don't look like I have energy. Seriously, I am so freaking blessed in my husband. He's my person. I really need to work on being a most awesome amazing wife to him.

Sidetracked.... anyway, tonight I asked him to drive me to the store after Chinese food dinner. See today three different light bulbs blew. It was a house of semi darkness.......

And since it's an icy mess outside and I tend to fall alot, Dave is walking me past the back of his truck to help me in the passenger side....

Me: What's that smell....

Dave: I'ma bad murtherfucker

Me: Yo, you farted?

Dave: Nope, Got me a severed head in the back of the truck

Me: Ummmmm human?

Dave: nah, picked up my deer

Lord help me.....

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Accomplished

I got some serious shit done today. Let's see.... I finally picked up those jeans I dropped off to get hemmed two months ago. I managed to drop off bills for mail. I tracked down my kid a winter softball camp at a local college (local is a very loose term here, it's about two hours away). So every Sunday afternoon I'll be driving her over so they can work her to the bone. Well we'll get her ready for the high school softball tryouts one way or another.... cause with my shoulder, there is no softball in future for a long time.

She's up against a little problem making the high school team. It's what we call "not from this tiny little backwoods Montana town". Believe it or not, that is huge. Every sport we've seen the newer girls have to work twice as hard as the locals. Princess is in a hitting slump lately so I'm bringing in the private coach to work her ass off.

Plus the busier she is, the better her grades and right now, she totally needs to be busier cause if a D in English walks through my door, Ima kick her Democrat. (aka ASS)

I also got a nap in.

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Damn, I'm rebudgeting

We pay for A's. Don't judge us. We get the A's we want, lol. However, we overplayed out freaking hand today. We ended up owing the litle one $350. Yeah, we're not paying her $50 per A again. 

So today I got to order her an American Girl doll. Because within reason, she could spend her money how she saw fit. She wanted a look alike doll. With earrings and glasses and a cute outfit and and and that fucker was $178 freaking American freaking dollars. 

Yeah, she's only getting $25 per A from now on. 

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Slow week.... pic review

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Day 2... I almost Juiced the dog... I'm starving

I'm sooooooooooo freaking hungry. Yum yum. So for breakfast, I had a fruity juice. It was great. I own more fresh fruit than anyone else I know. Seriously. 

 So this is my sweet new toy. The uber doober juicer. This bad beast is the shit. Yes, that is romaine, sweet potatoes, apples, blood oranges, and bananas.

Not to be gross, but I'm peeing so much! Lord help me, but I'm in the potty constantly. My pee was bright green at one point. Holy crap can somebody pat me on the back for not putting a pic on instagram.

 I roll with my LSU cup too. I need another one. Mom.... Dad.... anybody? Or three.

Don't judge my dirty house, but we just stopped faking the funk on the water thing. Walmart sells this machine for $99. The water is $5 for 5 gallons. I was buying cases upon cases of bottled water. I'm a freaking genius. 

 This was my lunch. Seriously too many carrots in this fucker. My pee was neon orange. Let's see, I did three full carrots, a blood orange, half a cantaloupe and then zucchini.

 So my sweet husband, cracks me up. Freaks out when the blood oranges went all uber pink. This is my breakfast for tomorrow. I can't wait to see how it tastes. I like mine really cold. So it's all ready made and in the fridge.

Little video of the badazz machine in action. For dinner, we had homemade chilli made from deer burger. And I had a banana for dessert.

I'm down 2 lbs in 2 days. 

Eat me, I'd rather have a fucking cupcake.

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Stand By Watch

I'm sitting here wondering how in the world I have come to this. I have absolutely no will power. Plus my husband watches a shit load of infomercials.

We are juicing.

His brother has been doing it. Got back into shape quickly.

God help me.

Today is our first day. I just drank my first meal. Kale, apples, strawberries, pineapple, celery, cucumbers. It was actually really good. For an appetizer. Ready for the main course. Which apparently will be a full dinner.

We're trying a juice breakfast and lunch then a full dinner.

Dave has already called me. (I may or may not have been hiding in my bed wanting chocolate), he's on visiting customers. He's like "I supplemented with a pita, cause I'm freaking STARVING"....

Yeah, so anyway, I have to go to Walmart and buy more veggies and fruit. I juiced everything in the house yesterday.

If I ever kill anyone, I'm juicing them. This bitch is a beast!!!!

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