1. How to alienate your waiter.......
The Man took me to a great seafood place last night, yum. Our waiter began very upbeat, happy and entertaining. His name was Wassom. Interesting name. However, it was during our deliberations over entrees that we lost him. Afterwards he was just distant, uncomfortable and miserable to serve us.
Hours later, we had a hysterical meltdown as we figured out where we went wrong.
Wassom had jokingly told The Man that he could just order for me and save us all some time, when The Man used some 1950's little woman humor. To which my reply was something along the lines of "bet you wouldn't say that to your wife", we both laughed at the time.
Turns out mistress humor isn't very funny to waiters named Wassom.
Poor Bastard, I really feel like sending him a card.
Especially since we were smooching and holding hands when we left the place.
(told you we were having a romantic holiday, we're making fun of ourselves at this point)
2. Streetcars aren't all named "Desire"
Today, I got to mark off an item on my very own bucket list. I went flying down the hills of San Fran on the old fashioned cable cars! It was glorious.
Except, during my first ride, I perched myself up on the outside holding one of the bars so I could fly down the streets with my hair blowing in the wind (ala movie star-ish) when the damn thing got overcrowded and The Man growled in my ear that an old lady seated on the bench had her knee in his .........well you get the idea. So he had me move to the last open bench seat and he popped up on the bar. COMPLETELY blocking my view and my wind. Not cool.
So on our 2nd attempt, cause I was gonna do this till I got it right.........we hoped a different car and I jumped on the very back, by the brake man. Who was just cool, joking and enjoying his day. The Man on the inside and me hanging off like a dog at a car window. I was totally living the dream.........
Then it was shift change, they stop the cars and do this in the middle of the street, traffic be damned. So our new brake man, was surly and not fun and weighed about 4 lbs. I did not have confidence that he would be able to successfully brake us if we did a runaway and were all about to die. However, I digress.....
This brake man was content to have only 2 people on the back with him. Me and some guy who didn't speak English on the far side. So unfortunately The Man got stuck in the doorway, surrounded by little old women with bags of cans. We were in Chinatown at this point. He was not pleased as it looked alot like a tree with a tight ring of mushrooms around it.
Meanwhile, I was back to doing the dog act, literally hanging off the car with my entire body in the breeze. Snapping pictures, waving at people, imagining The Man and our fam living in one of those awesome slick little buildings and riding the streetcar everywhere.
I didn't even fall off, this really impressed me, cause I was half expecting to fall as I'm not known for my balance. (And no, lol this website isn't named for my lack of balance Brad) So when we finally got back to our area where we'd stashed the rental, we'd spent three hours riding streetcars through the city. I was gloriously happy. I jumped off and did a little dance and turned to find my guy........
Who looked like he'd been through a war zone, he was done for. Seems he didn't enjoy the trip at all, and he smelled like herbs and fish......not sure where that happened, could be some of the people who got on after hitting the open air market. But he humored me until I suggested doing it one last time, cause those babies run till midnight.
Then he drug me to our car kicking and screaming.
3. Automatic bathrooms are not the wave of the future........
During our busy day downtown, I had the opportunity to see first hand an auto bathroom. A neat little shiny building where you push a button, and the door opens like you're entering the Enterprise and boom, shiny self cleaning bathroom, in the middle of downtown, literally in the middle of a street with cars and streetcars flashing by.
The first person managed it quite well (I was people watching while The Man bought our streetcar tickets). He was Italian I believe as I recognized some of the curse words while he was trying to get the door to open. The rest went fine. He came out and then in went a Dutch lady. A nice older Dutch lady who spoke no English, just hand signals, while she wanted to make sure I wasn't in line, nope not me. I went before I came down. But thanks.
So in she goes, only a slight hiccup as the door swooshed shut on her slow entrance and slightly pinched her between the jam and the seal. Opps. No worries, it let her in and the look on her face when the door shut was absolute terror. Poor baby. She must have been psychic.
When the door swung open, it did so to face a crowd of people waiting for The Man to finish hogging the ticket counter. We all got to see the sweet little Dutch lady bending over pulling her pants up.
Jesus, since when do old ladies wear thongs?
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Tips for Vacations
